[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
.“Can’t what? Have a baby? Children? I lost him, Leslie!” I cry out loudly and squeeze my eyes tight, allowing the unshed tears to fall out.“I screwed everything up and I lost him anyways.I can’t have a baby.I can’t have Brody.I can’t fucking let you help me!” I scream, crumpling onto the ground.Frank and Leslie rush over and kneel beside me, their hands hovering over me, unsure if they should touch me.“I don’t give a toss what you think you can’t handle right now, Finny,” Frank pulls me into his arms and hugs me hard, stroking his hand down the back of my hair.“I just don’t understand,” I cry, in a squeaky raspy tone.“I don’t understand why this is happening.”Leslie’s arms band around me next and I feel her shaking, silently crying along with me.I feel Frank’s hand slip under my legs and he lifts me and carries me back toward the house.I bury my face into his comforting cinnamon smell, unwilling to look around and see how many people are watching me right now.“Frank,” I say his name, crying, as he deposits me onto the couch in the living room.His bright green eyes look so sad and despondent.I feel terrible for causing that look on his face.Mitch and Julie jump up out of the love seat right next to the couch and I look at them, completely embarrassed.Without a word, Mitch leaves and comes back in with a hot cup of tea and Julie covers me with a fuzzy blanket.“We need comedy…I Love You, Man, it is,” Leslie says, smiling at me and rummaging in the DVD case by the fireplace.“I’ll go make popcorn!” Julie cheers.“Guys,” I croak.“It’s morning.”They all pause to look at me.“Pancakes then?” Julie asks.“Stuff that,” Frank says, “make the popcorn, Jules.Add extra butter and bring the chocolate too.Who gives a toss what time it is? Mitch, take that tea and shove it up your arse…or go make it an Irish coffee.On second thought, that might be easier.There’s Whiskey in the cupboard,” he finishes, and sits down on top of my feet, rubbing my leg soothingly.Mitch heads back into the kitchen for the liquor and I smile kindly at my new little family.I attempt to let the funny words of Paul Rudd drown my heartbreak, even if it is for just a couple hours.CHAPTER TWENTY-NINELeslie, Frank, Mitch, and Julie all keep me company for the rest of the day, stuffing me full of comfort food and liquor.After a lot of convincing, they let me go to bed early because I told them the crying has taken a lot out of me.In reality, I just feel like crying again and don’t want them to witness it.The next morning is worse because I wake up and feel like it all could have been a bad dream.I feel like I could look up and see Brody coming back in from the bathroom.But I know it’s not true.I pull up his contact and send him a text.Finley: I just need to know if you’re home or if you’re okay?After what feels like an eternity, I hear my phone beep and my heart races as I rush over to it.Brody: Home.My heart aches at the one word reply.I can’t help myself, so I send one more text.Finley: I miss you.I know he won’t reply.He hasn’t replied to my hundreds of other texts and voicemails.I have work to do today anyway, so for at least a little while I have to attempt to be functional.After a steaming hot shower, that I cried most of the way through because all it did was make me think of Brody, I get myself dressed in a hoodie and jeans.I have a conference call with Val today and I need to get my shit together.“Finley?” I hear Leslie’s voice call through my door.“Come in,” I reply.She walks in wearing her flannel pajamas.She’s holding two coffee mugs.I half smile at her and sit crisscross on the mattress.She hands me my black coffee and tucks in right beside me, letting her knees touch my leg.I know she needs the contact with me right now to help her gauge how I’m doing.“I’m okay, Lez,” I say, blowing into my cup.“That was so scary, Finley,” she says, with a serious face.“I’m sorry.I just…I don’t know,” I say, looking down sadly.“I hated feeling like,” she pauses, “feeling like I wouldn’t be able to get through to you.”“I’m sorry I did that to you.I’m sorry for a lot of things,” I say.“Don’t be sorry, just give me the cracks, babe.”“Ahhh, the cracks.The cracks,” I harrumph, into my mug.She sits, silently, waiting for me to continue.“I messed up, Les.I messed up so, so bad.Brody didn’t care whether or not I could have a baby, he just cared that I thought so little of him.He couldn’t believe I thought he’d leave me over it.”“Why did you think that, Fin?” she says, rolling from her knees onto her hip.“I don’t know.I’m still trying to figure that out.” I look up at her feeling a sting in my eyes, “I’m fucked up in the head, I guess!” I say, smiling, tears now running down my face.Leslie sets her mug down and lays her head on my lap, her auburn hair splayed out on my jeans.“We’re all fucked up, Finley.Frank hasn’t had a functional relationship with anything but magazine porn since I moved out here.Mitch and Julie don’t speak to any of their family anymore…and I’m pretty sure Mitch has a drinking problem.I have dance-gasms on stranger’s legs at clubs.”I smile sadly at her [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]