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.’He took my King’s Bishop.‘Well, I suppose you do,’ I said.‘But you don’t really believe that.I can see it in your face.’‘I don’t think you can see my face.’‘No, I cannot see your face.I have lived by other lights.’‘What lights?’ I said.It was altogether a crazy, drunken exchange.‘You know the old law: God compensates you for whatever He takes away from you.’‘What have you been compensated for.Or with?’‘How caustic you are! You should have been glad to see me after such a long time.Ah, well, it does not matter.You don’t mind if I smoke, do you?’‘No.’‘Now, then, what were we talking about?’I didn’t bother to remind him.‘Yes, I was telling you how God has compensated me.He has taken away everything from me.Yes, everything.Health, mind, balance.But He has given me Anuradha.’‘Anuradha!’ I cried in anger.It hurt me to see him take her name.‘Anuradha! You don’t much care for Anuradha as far as I can see.’‘There you are, Som.Just the thing you would say.How can one describe one’s love to a man who hates so much?’‘What are you talking about?’‘Forget it.Do you believe in God, Bhaskar?’‘You know I don’t.’‘In your anger you have exposed your Queen.’I moved a piece in front of her.We went through a series of moves in silence.Instead of Begum Akhtar they were playing an old song of Sehgal: Jangal upvan tribhuvan dhundha, par kahin na uski ter mili.Aftab spoke at last.‘Do you believe in God, Bhaskar?’‘You have already asked me that.’‘Oh yes.And you said you don’t.’‘That’s right.’‘God is like having a third king in a game of chess.’‘Oh!’‘Do you believe in the tantras?’‘What tantras?’‘You have to sacrifice before you are given.You can’t have your cake and eat it, too.’‘Oh!’‘That is what you insist on doing.I know you want to believe.’‘Believe?’‘You want to have faith.But you also want to reserve the right to challenge your own faith when it suits you.’I was suddenly interested.Not as much because of what Aftab was saying as by his manner.His whole bearing had undergone a change.He was neither laconic nor self-conscious.I had never seen him like that.‘Am I not right? Don’t you want to have your cake and eat it, too?’‘What is wrong with that?’‘It destroys you.’‘I don’t see how.’‘Ah, time will tell.Time will tell.I am afraid you are going to lose your Queen, after all.’‘I am in love with your wife, you know,’ I said, making the next move.I clowned even though my heart was bursting.‘Yes, yes.Check.’His Queen was attacking my King.‘I am serious, Aftab.’ Why was I so insistent? Did I expect him to become a go-between and bring her back to me? ‘Everyone loves her,’ said Aftab.If I was being ridiculous he was exasperating.‘I don’t love her like that,’ I nearly shouted but thought better of it.‘Tell me: Why can’t you run your company?’I wanted to humiliate him, to make him whine.I was ashamed of what I was doing and yet I could not stop.‘I don’t know,’ was all that he said.‘Anuradha is no doubt cleverer than you.’‘No doubt,’ he said, readily agreeing.‘The Queen always is.Check.’I studied the board.There was no way I could save my King.I surrendered.We sat back in silence.The swimming pool was deserted.A lone African, in full regalia, sat at the bar.‘If only I were not so tired,’ cried Aftab, pathetically, his mood suddenly shifting.‘Tired?’‘If only I could start life again.’I understand what you mean, I wanted to say, but I was too bent upon insulting him.I said, ‘I don’t think you will do any better even if you started again.’‘Better? I was not thinking of that.What is the time?’‘Almost midnight.’‘I must go,’ he said starting to pack in the pieces.On the spur of the moment I wanted to say to him, ‘Please take me with you,’ but my pride prevented me.I said ‘Give me a fag, will you.One of your hand-rolled jobs.’He carried them in a slim gold-plated case.He was a dandy where such things were concerned.Smoke soothed my nerves but a moment later opened up all the wounds.I could see the room, the coloured ventilators, and Anuradha lying naked on the peacock-carpet, her make-up smudged with perspiration, her mouth open, dry and hot, uttering such deep-throated cries that I had to cover it with my hand lest she might be heard.‘Anuradha asked me to give this to you,’ Aftab said.‘Thanks,’ I said.I stretched out my hand mechanically.Aftab stood up.‘When do you leave?’‘Tomorrow morning,’ Aftab said.I took a moment to rev up my courage, swallow my pride.‘Can I come with you?’ I managed to say.For a moment, he was too surprised to speak.Then he shouted.‘No.No.Never.’He stalked off towards the lobby.’‘Damm you,’ I cried to his disappearing back.I sat back, turning Anuradha’s package in my hand.It was curiously heavy for its size.I tore it open.A shining object fell to the floor.I picked it up with unsteady hands.It turned out to be a little silver Krishna, flute and all.A brief note in her hand said, ‘I got this from Gargi.You must always keep it with you.’I sat by the pool, drunk, sleepless.The bar had closed or I would have got another drink.I had whisky in my room but did not have the energy to move.I poured the silver Krishna from one hand to the other.He carried her perfume [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]