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.m., Matilda tells Phil’s assistant to tell Phil to tell C.B.that Hilary has worked for eight hours and fifty-five minutes, and if they go ten minutes longer, she’ll call the starlet’s union and they’ll slap them with a child labor suit that will shut the movie down.We’re just about to shoot our first scene inside the house.It takes place during a thunderstorm, and the guys have just figured out how much rain to shoot onto the windows and how much lightning they can flash without it looking fake, but C.B.has to wrap for the day, and he’s pissed.I should point out that I started three hours before Hilary, and I’m actually younger, but it doesn’t seem like anyone would care, so I don’t.I wash off my makeup bruises to let the real ones breathe.I remove my costume Levi’s and T-shirt to put on my own for the ride home.I’m just hopping on my bike when I see Abby walking out of one of the RVs.I really want to talk to her about Hilary’s booze breath this morning and what she thinks I should do, but since we haven’t hung out in such a long time, I don’t think I should just bombard her with my issues, so I hit her with a warm-up question.“Uh, how are you doing?”She doesn’t stop to talk to me, though.She just keeps walking, and mutters, “I’m fine.”I reply, “Great, great, so standing is okay.Being a stand-in is going good, then?”She’s directly in front of Hilary’s trailer when she stops and turns toward me (questions are so awesome).Unfortunately, Matilda is guarding the door and listening to our every word, so I’ll have to move this conversation if I’m going to get into the Hilary situation.But all Abby’s able to say is, “Yeah, it’s not too—” before Hilary flies out of the RV and interrupts our first chat in weeks by yelling, “Carter!”We both turn to see Hilary bounding out of the trailer, followed closely by Sport Coat Phil.Hilary gives me a couple winks before she asks, “Where are we having dinner again?”I look at Abby, who raises her eyebrows.Ms.McDougle’s first rule of impov is, “Never deny.” So no matter what the other actor gives you, you just have to roll with it.I’m pretty good at improv, so I calmly tell her, “Uh, weee.are going to eat at.my house?”She smiles and says, “Perfect, I’d forgotten.” Then she jumps on my pegs like we weren’t pretending.Did I invite her to dinner and space it? I’ve never asked anyone to “have dinner,” so I doubt I’d forget.She theatrically yells to Phil and Matilda, “Yeah, so, I’m going to eat with Carter’s family, for research!”Phil gives me a suspicious look, along with Matilda and Abby.How is this my fault.whatever this is?Hilary smiles at Abby, then asks me, “Will your friend be joining us?”I reply, “Uhhh—”But Abby interrupts.“No.”“Have you guys not met?” I ask.“Hilary this is my— uh, Abby.”Pretty bitchily and almost in unison, they reply, “We’ve met.”Abby looks slightly wounded when she says, “I’ll just see you guys tomorrow.Have a good dinner,” and then walks down the driveway.I watch her go and wait for the Escalade to fire up before rolling out.I guess I don’t really need Abby’s help.I make a right turn out of the driveway and pedal toward my house.Maybe I can find my own way to talk to Hilary.We ride in silence for a while before I ask, “S’up?”I was trying to ask her about her substance abuse problems, but my question may have been a little too open-ended.She tells me that Sport Coat Phil was just giving her a lecture in the trailer when she saw me ride by.“You totally saved me! Phil is so annoying.”I really want to ask her what he was lecturing her about, and why her breath smelled like a wino’s this morning, but I chicken out and just explain that she’s having “breakfast for dinner” tonight.“It sounds weird, but we always do it on Tuesdays and it’s really good.It’s just, like, waffles and scrambled eggs.”She giggles.“Sounds awesome, I can’t wait.”“Yeah, my mom always makes extra food so my dad can take it to work the next day.He won’t mind if Hilary Idaho eats his lunch.”We take the shortcut behind Pizza Barn, and I describe my bike wreck in all of its gory detail.I may exaggerate a bit, but she seems entertained.I know that I’m talking too much, and I should be asking more questions, but everything that pops into my mind today is really negative.Finally I ask, “Hey, did Matilda really make you take a drug test when you got home the other day?”She ignores the real question, and replies, “That’s not my home.It’s just a hotel room and a bodyguard.”I look back at the Escalade on our heels and say, “I think Matilda really cares about you.”She scoffs, “It’s her job.She gets paid for that, you know?”I feel like Matilda’s job is just to protect her from stalkers, but I don’t say it.16.SUGAR-FREE PUDDINGWe walk into the house and I can smell waffles burning.My mom’s not around, and I can hear Lynn yapping on the phone, obviously ignoring her cooking duties.I lift the lid and crunch a fork into the smoking black squares.“You like ’em well done, yeah?”Hilary laughs as I throw them in the trash.I pour more batter into the cooker and ask Hilary to keep an eye on them.“When the light turns green, eject ’em.”She gives me a thumbs-up as I walk into the living room and wave to get my sister’s attention.“Hey.”“On the phone, dickhead!” Lynn replies.I motion for her to lower her voice, and whisper, “Hilary Idaho is having dinner with us.”“What?” she asks.“Hang on.My super-important movie star brother is telling me something about Hilary Idaho, and I need to take notes.”I shake my fist at her and whisper, “No.she’s having dinner here.with us [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]