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.God.” The tears came freely now.The newspaper was dated the day she’d found Lisa in bed with Kurt.The truth broke through her muddled thoughts like shafts of sunlight breaking through dark clouds.Lisa, a woman who turned to sex whenever life became a burden, had read that the father of her daughter, a man she’d probably loved, had been killed.Knowing Lisa, she’d turned to the only man around—Kurt, who’d been staying with them for the weekend.Lisa was weak, but so was Kurt.Hurt and betrayed, Sam had run into Aiden’s arms.And hurt him.What a vicious cycle.Swiping at her tears, Sam put aside the article and reached for the envelope with her name scrawled in Lisa’s girlish handwriting.With a feeling of dread, she pulled out the sheets of paper and began to read.The letter, dated the day after Sam had graduated from law school, began, My darling Samantha, please forgive me.CHAPTER ELEVENI KNOW I’VE hurt you badly, Sam read, but I never intended that incident with Kurt to happen.I’m truly sorry.Someday maybe you’ll understand why I betrayed your trust and why I selfishly thought only of myself and my needs that day.I don’t expect your forgiveness, but I hope you’ll try to understand.I haven’t always been a good mother, but please believe I love you more than anyone in the world.I’m so proud of your accomplishments and of the way you put yourself through school.Yesterday seeing you graduate from law school was one of the proudest moments of my life.You’ve always been so smart, like my sister Rosie.At times I envied you both for that.My sister was always the smart one, the one who got all the praise from our parents, especially our father.I was the pretty one that no one expected much from.I learned early on that my looks got me a lot more than any smarts could.I had one thing men wanted, and I used it.I enjoyed the feeling of power I had over them.That was until I fell in love with your father.I’ll tell you about him one day, Samantha.You deserve to know the truth.He was older than me and seemed to offer the glamour and wealth I’d always craved.I loved him desperately.I foolishly thought I’d have a life with him, that he’d take care of me.But he broke my heart and wasn’t the man I’d thought he was.I may never have the courage to give you this letter, but I had to write it—to tell you how I feel.You and I could never talk to each other.You were always closer to Rosie.It hurt me that you could share your feelings with my sister but not with me.I realize I’m to blame for not trying to understand you, for trying to be more like a friend than a mother.I’ve always been a selfish person and I’ve paid for it, believe me.But what hurts the most is I’ve lost you.I want you to know how very much I love you.As bad as my behavior was at times, I tried to protect you.When I sensed a man might be looking at you in the wrong way, I got rid of him.I wouldn’t let anyone hurt you.Samantha, you’re a sweet, intelligent, beautiful daughter any mother would be proud of.I hope someday you’ll let me into your heart again and we can be a real mother and daughter.Somewhere there’s a wonderful man worthy of you.I wish you love, real love, laughter, and children.I hope I can be part of your life, part of your children’s lives.But I’ll understand if I’m not.Your loving mother.The paper slipped from Sam’s hand.She bent over, her breathing shallow.The tears poured freely, dripping onto the papers strewn about.Unable to stop the flow of tears, Sam rocked back and forth as low, keening sobs wracked her.Her mother was a deeply flawed woman, but she’d always loved Sam.Lisa was proud of her, proud to have a daughter like her.Why couldn’t her mother have told her this before, or shown her how much she loved her? Sam didn’t know if she could completely forgive her mother for her betrayal with Kurt.The futility of it all pierced her heart, bringing a fresh round of tears.She pressed a fist to her mouth, trying to suppress her sobs.She’d come to Fenwick to be alone, to think.Yet, she’d found so much more.She’d discovered a part of her mother she’d never known, discovered a bit of her history.Most of all, Aiden was back in her life.Was he back for good, or was their affair just that—a fling?“Sam?”Gulping deep breaths, she turned toward the doorway.Aiden stood there, his brow furrowed.She opened her mouth to tell him she was okay, but no words came.“Sam.Sweetheart.” He sank onto the bed and gathered her into his arms.“I don’t know what’s wrong, but it’ll be okay.”He held her close while she cried tears of anger, hurt, and frustration—cried for the mother she’d never known, for a lonely childhood that hadn’t had to be, for the mother Lisa could have been, and for her own stubbornness in not really having tried to know her mother.She cried too for the closeness she’d felt with Aiden these days.And the knowledge it had to end.Finally, with the help of the tissues Aiden offered her from the nightstand, she managed to stem the flow of tears.Sniffling, she pulled away from Aiden and swiped at her eyes.“I got your shirt wet.” She rubbed a hand over his T-shirt.He took her hand and held it against his heart.“The shirt will be fine.What’s going on?”She waved a hand over the mess of papers.“I found these.” She gulped air.“I know who my father is.I have brothers.”“Can I look at all this?” he asked.“Go ahead.”After Aiden finished reading, he silently stacked the papers and slid them into the envelope.Without speaking, he took Sam by the hand and led her to her room where he tenderly slipped off her jeans and sweater, then pulled back the bedcovers.“You need to rest.Get into bed.”As if in a trance, she did as he ordered.Aiden undressed to his boxers and slid in next to her.He flipped the comforter and sheet over them and enfolded her into his embrace.“It’s okay, Sam.Sleep.Relax.I’m here for you.We can talk about this later if you want.”Secure in his arms, she closed her eyes.“Later,” she said, and drifted into sleep.Sam woke to darkness and a quiet house.Aiden slept next to her, his features relaxed and younger-looking.She skimmed a finger over his lips.He opened one deep blue eye, then the other.“Feel better?” he asked.“Yes.” She brushed a light kiss on his lips.“Thanks for understanding, for helping me.”With a smile, he took her in his arms, held her tightly and rolled so she was on top of him.Her hair fell over his chest and he brushed it back, hooking it behind her ears.“I’ll always be here for you, Sam.”Would he? She couldn’t ask the question, was afraid of the answer.She suspected he wanted more from her than she could give.She pushed aside those thoughts and settled more comfortably, folding her arms on his broad chest and staring down at him.“I feel so sad.My mother really does love me.I never felt that growing up.I wish she’d told me.I wish we could have been closer.Yet, a part of me can’t forgive what she did with Kurt.Am I wrong to still feel this resentment, especially since I was about to break up with him? But my mother didn’t know that.”“You’re human, sweetheart.What you feel is normal.What your mother and Kurt did was reprehensible [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]