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.“They’re good for something quick.Don’t judge.”“Oh, I’m judging.Do you actually eat all that crap?”He looks at the contents and laughs.“Some I threw in there when I was trying to throw you off my stalking scent.”“Uh-huh.So, the ready-made burger patties aren’t part of your usual shopping list?”“Yeah, they are.The dog food, no; I don’t have a dog.”I laugh and come to a stop at the end of the aisle.“When did you last have a proper meal?” His brows rise, and I mimic.“Well?”“Before the accident, I would try to get Nona’s for a meal once a week.Normally I’m too busy.”“It’s been weeks since your accident.”“Yeah well, it’s been a tough few weeks.”I nod knowing exactly what he is saying.It’s been tough all round.I look around for a shop assistant and see a young boy in his Piggly Wiggly uniform, filling the shelves.I take Nate’s cart from him, ignoring his protests as I leave it with the boy explaining Nate needed some tips on shopping.At first the young man appears annoyed that he would have to put the small amount of groceries away, but then he smiles and takes the cart.I turn back to Nate and my awaiting cart, half filled with fresh produce.I ignore his incredulous expression and smile smugly.“I’ll cook you some dinner.It’s the least I can do.”It’s probably wrong and stupid, but it feels good to be looking after him for a change.I grab at the cart, but he nudges me aside.“I’m pushing.”I put my palms up and snicker.“Okay, but remember there’s now tampons in there.”Nate laughs, out and out laughs, and it sounds so good to hear him it.Instantly his eyes and skin light up, and I know I’m doing the right thing.We walk the aisles in silence for a couple of minutes, me grabbing for items from the shelf, Nate taking them from me and popping them in the cart until we reach the end and swing back to the registers, where again, I’m nudged out of the way.He smirks as he piles items up for the cashier to scan.I could get used to this.It felt good and natural.He didn’t let me pay, and for the first time, it occurs to me that I don’t know what Nate does for a living other than construction.I follow him as he pushes the cart to my car and holds his hand out for me to pass him my keys so he can load the groceries.I watch as he favors his right shoulder and loads my trunk.“Still in a bit of pain?”“Some, nothing major or to worry about.” He rolls his shoulder to prove a point, not succeeding.“Would you like to come over now, or meet me back at the motel around six?” I ask, cursing the nervousness in my own voice.I wasn’t asking him to date me, marry me, fuck me.No, we were having dinner like friendly adults do.That is all.“I’ll come back later.I have to wash up and get tomorrow’s work in order.”We stand there, in the hot sun by my car, like two awkward teenagers.It was never awkward between us.Never.I go to say something and nothing comes out.He reaches for me and then drops his arm.He chuckles and steps back from me, then takes another step, and another, until he is right out in the lot.He then turns around and heads to the huge, blue truck that reads, SHAW CONSTRUCTION on the side.Ohmygod!I watch my best friend, my old lover, the love of my life and a complete stranger give me a single wave as he pulls away and drives from the Piggly Wiggly parking lot.There are going to be some serious questions and answers tonight.I walk to my cart to the bay and almost skip my way back to the car.All of a sudden, I’m excited.I don’t know how long it’s been since I was excited about cooking for someone.There’s no fear or stress, just pure, adrenaline-induced excitement.Forcing a steady breath, I drive lawfully through the streets of Beaver Dam with a dream in my heart for a fresh start as an adult with her life ahead of her and an aching grin on my face.This is what freedom is, making the small choices in life, like whom you will have dinner with.I will never let this go again, and I will never take it for granted.I’M SO PROUD OF her, so fucking proud.I just wish I could be proud and not want to throw her down and show how much I miss her, the whole her, mind and body.It took everything in me to make the first move away.It was only her smile that urged me to do it.She is happy, and it’s because of me.It sounds messed up; I know that.But our bodies are like beacons to each other.We belong, we fit; together we beat off the world’s beatings.I take the stairs two at a time and I’m in the house in seconds, stripping all the way to the shower, leaving a trail of clothes behind.I damn near land on my face when I forget to kick my boots off before dropping my pants in the hall.I have loads of time, but I want to make sure I grab some flowers on the way, and maybe a bottle of wine or… shit! The water’s burning because my brain is sparking crazily and I didn’t turn the cold on.I’m backed up to the tiles dancing like I’m part of Riverdance until the temperature cools and then, of course, it’s way too cold, but that I can handle.In fact, a cool shower is probably a good idea for many reasons.I soap and scrub, dry and spray.Shaving requires me to calm the fuck down and stop acting like a kid or I’ll shred my face.I complete the task with a sigh of relief that I’m in one piece.I don’t think I could have faced the torment Charlie would surely throw at me if I had to explain craters missing from my face.I kick my strewn clothes to the side.I’ll get them later.Like a chump, I change my outfit twice before going for jeans and a navy button-up, look at the clock and see it’s four-fifty.I’ll be early, but if I’m honest, I want to be.I want to see her and be close to her.Chump.It’s just that things seem different today, like her old self.There are signs of cheek and fire; I was scared that they were lost, but she’s coming back.My Charlie is coming back.IT STARTED LIKE AN awkward date; flowers, jerky movement, and an awkward peck.There were patches of silence that drew on into its own time zone as he looked around my home.Yeah, I’m calling this small room my home, because for a very long time I haven’t had one.Not since the state took me away.So despite having my bathroom in view of my kitchenette and tiny dining table, the overproduced landscape portrait, or my bed that sits like a fat elephant in the room, it’s my home.At least for now.I collect the dishes and take them to the tiny sink, anything to cut the thick, tense need between us.When I feel the heaviness of his warm body against my back, God help me, I sigh into him like he is the only real home I ever had.My mind, body, and damaged soul melt into him.He wraps his big arms around me, holding me securely, and I know there will be no other home for me.Beds, roofs, walls; they are all inconsequential to his embrace.When Nate takes me, I am his.My heart raps fast and hard.I feel his beat against my back, not in sync, but ultimately driven by the same desire.I clench his jeans at his thick thighs, feeling the muscle bulging under the denim.It wasn’t the only muscle I could feel straining against the tight material, and I want it.I don’t think I have ever wanted him this bad.I try to turn around, needing more, but he holds me still, and it only excites me further.Gripping at his jeans, I try to get my hands between us so I can access him, but he pushes against me harder.The sink digs into my pelvis; the sharp pain only adding to the burning need.Nate’s tongue grazes a hot trail up my neck to my jaw, and I stretch for more.I need it.Arching into his hands as he practically kneads my breast through the cotton of my sundress that I picked out because he always likes it when I wear a dress.I pant and lick my lips before he reaches for my chin and pulls my mouth to his, extending my neck and devouring me [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]