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.”He grabbed my hand.“I don’t want to lie to you.”I went still.“Then don’t.”He threaded his fingers through mine and rested our hands on my lap.“I can’t tell you.”I pulled my hand away and knocked his off my lap, turning my body away from his as I looked out the window.“You have to understand.The less you know the better.I’m trying to keep you safe.”I spun around.“From what? I should know that!”I still didn’t get it.I knew Damien had it out for me, but I never told Gage of his involvement that night.So what did he think he was protecting me from?He bobbed his head.“You should.But it’s me.I’m trying to protect you from me and what I’m doing, and any fallout of that.And your friend tonight, she died ‘cause of the people she ran with.I’m trying to hide you away until I’m not one of those people that could get you hurt.”The mention of Nan cut me, but I used my anger to cover it.“I’m not a damn pet.You can’t just cage me up and give me water sometimes.I need you to explain things to me or I’m going to make my own decisions and they won’t involve you.” I was surprised by how much that declaration hurt.I didn’t want to cut him out, but he was forcing my hand.“Okay,” he breathed, grabbing my knee in an attempt to calm me.“Okay?” I repeated, questioning him.“I’ll explain some things.What you need to know.”I sat back, floored that he agreed.I had changed his mind.Well, good, I was right and he should tell me.“It’s not about the money anymore,” He began and I held my breath, not wanting to miss a word, not daring to interrupt.“It never really was, not really.These people care about loyalty and control.They actually prefer if you owe them, so they have something on you.Even if I lost this fight, it would be enough to pay them back for Dexter, but they don’t really care about that.I owe them a favor so they want me to win ‘cause they’re betting on it.This past week I’ve had to slip back into who I was.I was wrong when I told you they still got my back, they don’t care about me, just what I can do for them.”When it was clear he wasn’t going to say more I questioned him.“So you have to win.But will they back off after or stick around?”“When I win, I’m clear to go.Rusnak promised.”Something about the way his eyes shifted and breath hitched caused a jolt to shoot through me, a warning.“Why wouldn’t they bet on you losing? Isn’t it easier to throw a fight, a safer bet?”He sucked in air.I was getting close to what he was hiding.“More money to be made if I win.And my career will still be solid, they think long term, if I ever owe them a favor again then I’ll have even bigger names to fight, with more money.”“So they aren’t letting you walk away.” I still managed to sink deeper, where was the bottom?He shook his head and gripped my leg.“Once I’m clear, I’m done.I’m not going to owe them shit in the future.And Dexter’s done too; I won’t bail his ass out anymore if he fucks up again.But Regan,” He paused, and I held my breath again, bracing myself.“I’m only out if I win in the third round.”“What does that mean? Why?”“The biggest payoffs are for calling the round.They want me to win in the third round.That’s what they bet on.They are not trying to make this easy but I can do it.I will win in the third round.”“How can you be so sure?”“Because I’ve done it before.I’ve set up fights for them before.But this is the last time.”We sat in silence for a while, my mind shutting down from overload and exhaustion.But as I struggled to sort through my thoughts I realized the most important question hadn’t been answered.As the early morning light filled our car I turned to him.“What happens if you don’t win in the third round?”“That’s not going to happen.” He claimed firmly.I shook my head.“What if it does?”He turned to me, an unreadable look crossing over him before he focused on the road.“Then you run.Far away from me.”This time when I sunk it felt like I had finally hit bottom, and it nearly shattered me.32: DrowningA PART OF ME WANTED TO TAKE off now, not even wait for tonight and the results.And it felt like a part of me did, just tore away and bailed.But the part of me that was left didn’t care about his warning.I wasn’t asking what was going to happen to me.“But what about you? What will happen to you?” My voice came out in a whisper, unable to get enough air.He glanced at me a few times, but I was beginning to think he wasn’t going to answer.Then he ran his hand through my hair, brushing it back from my face.“I don’t want you to worry about that.I’ll handle whatever happens.”I grabbed his hand and trapped it between both of mine as I brought it to my lap.“You worry about me, so I can worry about you.” But I knew worrying was pointless.I had worried about Nan, but she needed action.He squeezed my hand as we drove through the tunnel into New York City.“Neither of us has to worry because I am going to win.Let’s leave it at that.”I dropped the questions.He didn’t need them right now.He needed sleep, focus, and confidence.Instead I said, “You will,” and then brought his hand up to my lips, sealing the wish.***Gage turned to me in the elevator and said, “When we get to the suite, go straight to our room.I don’t want you to get pulled into the drama that might be waiting.You’re exhausted and need sleep.I’ll be right behind you.”“What drama?”He stretched his neck to either side.“Silas will be pissed that I’m cutting it so close.Dexter, I don’t know what to expect from him, but it doesn’t matter.Just go straight to the room, alright?” He grabbed my hand as the doors opened and we walked two doors down to the suite.I scanned the room as I entered.Dexter wasn’t around, but Silas was waiting.He jumped up from the couch and stomped over to Gage.“God Dammit boy, you have to be ready for press at noon.Get your head in this and focus on what’s important.” I’d never seen Silas so flustered; he was angry but nervousness was clearly running under his words, evident in the way he shifted from foot to foot.Gage dropped my hand and nudged me in the direction of our room.I walked away, but slow enough so I could hear the conversation.“Don’t fuckin’ think you can lecture me anymore.I know what’s important and I’ll be ready [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]