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.How often do anxiety and depression carry on afterwards in women with PPD?”“If the onset is acute? Symptoms usually last less than a year, but I’ve seen repercussions go on for decades.All depends on the person—their support system, willingness to heal and so forth.Long-term treatment helps, particularly in severe cases.”“Severe as in—”“Suicidal tendencies.Harm to self or others.Same old, same old.”“Right.That makes sense.Thanks for your help.And please, keep me posted if you hear anything from Farrah.”Claire hangs up, hoping her curiosity and impatience are to blame for her hypothesis—that Mom had severe PPD, related long-term depression, the tendency to pose harm to herself or others.Was Mom the one with ‘mental problems’? It would make sense; Gramps would protect his daughter’s memory to the end.Or perhaps both of her parents suffered.Psych patients attract.Her thoughts spin as she takes Zola outside, so much so, she barely notices the single-digit temperature.Self-harm.The accident.Valium.Overdose? Was Mom really planning to see someone the night of the accident? Or did she plan to run away? Or, worse.When Zola stops to relieve herself, Claire closes her eyes and forces calming breaths.You are blowing things way out of proportion.She’s done all she can for now, she decides.Two people can fill in the answer blanks: Gramps and Dr.Marsha.Until they do, her endless worry and speculation won’t help.As she leads Zola inside the building, then down the hallway toward her door, the phone rings from inside her apartment.Once inside, she leaps across the kitchen table for the phone, but misses it.A beat later, her cell buzzes in her pocket.A Hastings number.The hospital.She answers with a trembling hand.Though the doctor’s words sound hazy, she gathers their meaning.Life as she’s known it has ended.Life before Grandpa’s death, life after.Chapter Forty-ThreeThe fragrant floral arrangements strike bitter contrast to the ache in Claire’s heart.After a drive to Hastings she barely recalls, she’d arrived at her grandmother’s house and a steady stream of visitors—neighbors stopping by offering casseroles, pies and condolences.Grandma sits in her rocking chair, face blank, tears streaming from her eyes.She scarcely says a word, other than the occasional “Gil…” which breaks Claire’s heart further.Even Zola seems concerned.She goes back and forth between Claire’s side and Grandma’s.As the visitors thin, Cynthia Galway, the organist from Grandma’s church, approaches Claire in the kitchen.“I wanted to offer to stay here tonight, but your grandmother doesn’t seem terribly responsive.”Claire glances around the house, noting its pronounced emptiness.“Would you stay? I’d really appreciate it.I know Grandma would, too.”“It’d be my pleasure.Now come.Let’s fix you both something to eat.What will it be?” She peruses an assortment of foil- and plastic-topped dishes.“Hot dish, hot dish or…hmm, hot dish?” She lifts the foil from a ceramic dish.“Guess we Hastings folks aren’t much for variety.”“Hot dish sounds fine.” Hot dish, Claire thinks.Another Minnesota-ism she’ll have to explain to Hank.After a meal she pokes at, Cynthia eats and Grandma doesn’t touch, Claire guides Cynthia upstairs to the guest room.Aware that Grandma won’t likely move from the living room, she returns there and eases her into a more comfortable position in her rocking chair.She adds another blanket to her then sprawls on the sofa in hopes of finding sleep.An hour passes.Exhaustion pulls down on her like heavy weights.But her thoughts, and perhaps her weariness, keep her wired.She can’t free the image of Gramps squeezing her arm from her mind.Or ‘D’.His hand tightening when she’d said her mother’s name.What did it mean? What was he trying to tell her?Her phone buzzes—Elle calling from Paris.Claire slips into the kitchen and takes the call, grateful for the diversion.“I just got your message.I’m so sorry,” Elle says.“I’m flying in tomorrow.I got the last day off the shoot.”“You did?”“Of course I did.Are you kidding? I can’t work like this.Besides, you need me.”As they talk and cry together, the speculation she shared with Hank seems right—she misses Elle more when life grows tough.Maybe they haven’t lost their connection after all.“Anything I can bring? Or do for you?” Elle asks [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]