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.But that was wrong.I'm sorry, honey.I wish I could change it, but I can't.I can only try to do better now."Julie sat back in her chair, her mind spinning from her mother's rapid-fire confession."I don't know what to say.""You don't have to say anything.I just needed you to hear me.""It's so weird," she muttered."How Dad's name keeps coming up all of a sudden.I didn't think about him for years, but the past week it has all come back."Now it was her mother's turn to look confused."This past week? But I just brought him up yesterday on the phone.""Yes, but he came up in a bigger way for me when I had to go to the ballpark to invite a baseball player to participate in our Celebrity Cook-Off.""You went to the Cougars' ballpark?" her mother asked in astonishment."I'm surprised you didn't get someone else to do that.""I tried, but everyone felt that with my last name I had a better shot at getting Matt Kingsley on board.""Matt Kingsley," her mom echoed."I remember him.He was one of the young guys your father mentored his last year or so in the game.""Yeah, Matt has a great opinion of Dad.He thinks he's a hero.""A lot of people felt that way about your father.""Anyway, Matt asked me about Dad, and I found myself telling him the story, which, of course, made me think about everything that happened." She paused."I really thought I knew the way it went down, but I must admit you're making me question a few things now.""I'm trying to be as honest as I can be," her mom said."Even though I'm terrified you're now going to hate me and want to go see him."She reached across the table and put her hand over her mother's."You don't ever have to worry about losing me, Mom.""Even now that you know what I did?""I told you to put that first letter away.""But you didn't know about the rest.""I probably would have had the same reaction.""Maybe not if you'd read one.""Did you read them?""No, they're sealed, but I know how good your father is with words.He used to write me love letters when we were teenagers.I think I fell in love with him through those letters." Alicia drew in a big breath."It feels good to get this out.It was weighing on me.I just hope by doing so, I'm not hurting you again.""I'm fine.I'm all grown up now.""I know.You're beautiful and smart, and I am so proud of you.""Thanks."Her mother pushed the envelope closer to her."You really do need to keep this, Julie.If you want to throw the letters away, that's up to you, but I need to give them to you.I need to move on completely.Maybe I'm being selfish again—""You're not.You should move on.""You should, too.""Well, I went to the ballpark, didn't I?""You did do that." Her mom tilted her head."As I recall Matt Kingsley was a very good-looking young man.""He still is," she admitted."And he's single?""Yep.But I'm not going to go down that road."Her mom gave her a helpless smile."I'd certainly advise you not to, but it's your decision.""I've decided not to see Matt again—well, except for the cook-off.""It sounds like you've already seen him more than just once.""I have.He's very charming, but you don't have to worry, Mom.I know exactly what I'm doing."Her mother laughed and shook her head."Oh, Julie.That's the exact same thing I said to your grandmother right before I married your father.""It's not the same.""Of course it's not.But I still need to tell you to be careful.""Some people think I'm too careful," she murmured."Is one of those people Matt?"She nodded."Yes."But it wasn't just Matt who thought she was too careful, she'd been thinking the same thing about herself.She wanted to protect her heart from more pain, but she also wanted to live her life with some passion.She just didn't know how to do both.Chapter EightBeing careful probably didn't include going to the Cougars stadium on Wednesday afternoon with a reporter who wanted to interview Matt.Julie had managed to book the interview through text and emails, but Matt had told her he wouldn't do the piece at all if she didn't come along.So here she was—standing in the first row of seats watching Matt take batting practice while she waited for the reporter to show up.Being in the ballpark during practice was unsettling on a lot of levels.The memories of the days she'd spent watching her dad step into the batter's box washed over her.When she was a little girl, she'd often gone to the park with him before a game.Back then she'd loved the sport.She'd enjoyed watching the hitters, tracking the game, studying batting averages and reading scouting reports.In fact, those were the times where she'd felt the closest to her dad.It had really been just the two of them on those occasions.When she was in middle school, she'd gone to almost every home game.She'd tag along with her dad to the ballpark to watch practice.Sitting in the stands those sunny afternoons, the smells of hot dogs, garlic fries and peanuts wafting in the air, had been really, really fun.Her mother had never loved coming to the ballpark or studying the intricacies of the sport.It was just what her husband did—not what he loved, or what she loved.Funny, Julie hadn't realized that until just now.Memories of being at the ballpark with her father coupled with what her mother had told her on Monday night, not to mention the unopened envelope that still sat on her coffee table, had her feeling completely off her game.It was as if time was spinning her around, showing her the past, then the present, even giving her a glimpse of the future, but it was all somehow tied to baseball.She told herself to stay in the moment and stop getting so tied up in things that had happened years ago.Focusing on Matt, she watched him hit for a good five minutes.He really was pretty amazing, she thought, helplessly drawn to everything about him.In the batter's box, he was aggressive and powerful.That was evident in his stance, in every swing of the bat.He also had a laser focus that allowed him to see the smallest movement of a baseball moving towards him at close to a hundred miles an hour.He could adjust for the slower pitches, too, when the ball moved a lot slower, curving deceptively, starting out high and ending up at his ankles.Matt sent numerous balls soaring out to each field with line drives and hard-hit grounders mixed in with the occasional long ball to the fence.Matt was one of the Cougars' top hitters, if not the top hitter, but more important than his overall average was his ability to hit in the clutch, when it counted, when it was two outs, bottom of the ninth, the game on the line.There was no one else the Cougars would rather have up than Matt Kingsley.But Matt didn't seem as impressed with himself as the coaches surrounding the backstop behind the plate.He stopped to adjust his stance [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]