[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
.I couldn’t, no wouldn’t, do this alone.I curled into a ball at the base of the toilet and cried, my life was over.I was going to become exactly what I feared, a carbon copy of my mother.I was going to have to move back to that shitty trailer park, forget my dreams, and try to raise a child by myself.Only I wasn’t strong enough for that, I’d never be able to do it.I was already the world’s worst mom; how could I not want my child, except I didn’t.I didn’t want this baby; I didn’t want the life that would come with it.I wanted more, I wanted better, I wanted a life.And Jeron was going to leave, he was going to pack his things, or worse since it was his house kick me out.I’d be homeless, pregnant and tossed aside like trash, just like my mom.I must have passed out at some point, because that’s how Jeron found me, asleep on the cold bathroom tile.I felt him brush the back of his hand across my cheek, he whispered my name and I could hear the concern.I squeezed my eyes shut tightly.I wanted to savor that sound before it was anger and incrimination in his voice instead of that sweet concern.“Trinity, sweetheart, you’re scaring me, you okay?”I nodded, and I felt a tear leak down into my hair.“Trin?” He sounded anxious, scared.“I’m okay,” I croaked.He helped me into a sitting position, and my muscles protested after sleeping on the hard floor.“Trin, what’s going on?”I had opened my mouth to say something―a lie, the truth― I wasn’t sure, but I couldn’t.My voice just wouldn’t work.Instead I gestured to the test that still sat on the counter.I refused to touch it like the bomb it was; it’d already ransacked and destroyed my world.I had to sit back and watch while it did the same to Jeron’s.Jeron stood and looked down at the test; he gently picked it up and stared.Then he placed it slowly back on the counter and looked over at me.Emotions, thoughts flitted across his face faster than I could read.I held my breath waiting for the accusations to fly, the anger to spew; when he gave a decisive nod I braced myself for impact.When he opened his mouth I cringed.“Well, I guess we should get married.” He nodded once more then reached down and grabbed my arms, pulling me up.“I’ll find out what we need to do, we should probably do it sooner than later though,” he murmured and ran a finger down my cheek.He leaned down and pressed his lips against mine.“I love you, Trinity,” he murmured.He pulled me into his chest and held me tightly.“Everything will be okay, I promise.”I was too stunned to speak; I just nodded and let him hold me while I once again cried.I didn’t argue his plan to marry me like I should have.I knew having a baby wasn’t a reason to get married.All I could do at that point was let him hold and comfort me.There would be time to fight later.I blame pregnancy hormones for the way I reacted to finding out I was pregnant.I should have trusted Jeron more, I know that now.I should have remembered the way he reacted when he thought I was pregnant instead of Beth, him holding me, promising he would be there.Ah, but pregnancy and teenage hormones wreaked havoc over my system and I couldn’t think clearly.It’s like I remember everything that happened and nothing at all, I remember Jeron finding out about the baby, but I can’t remember much that led up to my first doctor’s visit.I can remember walking into the office but not what happened once we walked in the door.I remember my name being called by the nurse but nothing until I was sitting on the table in a paper gown waiting for the doctor.I’m not sure if that’s normal or not; what I do remember clearly was Jeron holding my hand the entire time.Jeron was amazing during this time in my life.He was there when I needed him, and when I needed to just think, he left me alone.When I told him I had a doctor’s appointment, he made sure he was able to take me.If I woke in the morning and ran to the bathroom, he was right behind me, just to rub my back and hold my hair away from my face.He didn’t bring up marriage again, for which I was grateful.I wasn’t in a state of mind to make decisions like that.I was still coming to grips with the pregnancy, the way my life was going to change.So there we were sitting in a small room with pictures of uteruses, and fetuses curled in uteruses.Jeron was pacing around while I sat frozen on the padded table, paper stuck to my naked ass.When someone knocked I jumped slightly, and then like a tornado the doctor walked in.“Well, Ms.Seymour, it appears you’re having a baby.” He beamed at me.I nodded mutely as Jeron walked over, taking my hand in his, squeezing gently.The doctor clapped his hand.“You must be dad?”Jeron nodded, and introduced himself, shaking the man’s hand.“Good, good now I need to do an exam.Just to make sure mommy is healthy, and then we’re going to listen to baby’s heartbeat.” He walked around pulling items out and placing them on a metal rolling tray.“I’d also like to do an ultrasound so we can pin point a due date.When was your last period, Ms.Seymour?”“Uh, call me Trinity, and February, I think.” I flushed at how that sounded.“I had uh midterms in March, so I can’t really be sure.”“Ah, midterms,” the doctor sighed, “I do not miss those.”There was another knock on the door and the nurse who’d taken me for a urine sample, and other unsavory things, walked in.She smiled blandly at me before quickly looking over Jeron, a small smile on her face.I nearly growled at the nurse, but Jeron squeezed the hand he still held and smiled down at me.“Okay, Trinity,” the doctor smiled, “lie down for me.”I did as he asked, staying still as he and the nurse put my feet up in stir ups.Then this man I’d barely known five minutes was sitting between my legs looking at a place only Jeron had ever seen.I cringed and when I felt a hand, I flinched.“Just my hand first,” the doctor said.I laid there in complete humiliation as this guy looked at me.“Good, good,” he murmured, “now, Trinity, this next bit can be uncomfortable, just breathe.This is going to be cold.” Then I felt something being pushed into me, it pinched and I wanted to move away.“All done,” the doctor murmured and I sighed in relief.The doctor removed my hands from the stir ups and smiled.“Just a quick breast exam and we’re done with the unpleasant stuff today.”I nodded and watched as he opened my paper robe and quickly felt me up.Then he sat down on his rolling stool.“Trinity, everything seems fine; we’ll send some samples to the lab to test for sti’s, just as a precaution.You’re cervix is closed, like it should be.” He smiled kindly at me.“Are you ready to hear your baby’s heartbeat?”I nodded and watched as he pulled my robe apart over my stomach; a cold gel landed on my lower abdomen and I hissed.“Sorry, our warmer in this room broke.” I nodded and watched as he picked up this box like thing that had a probe attached and he placed it on my abdomen pushing down.He kept moving it around and we could hear an erratic whooshing sound, until it wasn’t erratic anymore.“Is that?” Jeron asked, standing there stunned.The doctor beamed at us.“That is your baby’s heartbeat, and it’s in perfect range.”He kept the probe there a moment longer so we could just listen.“Now, are you ready to see your baby?”I nodded, and Jeron smiled hugely.“Trinity, go ahead and get dressed; the tech will come get you in a few minutes.”“That was so cool,” Jeron murmured, pulling me closer and kissing me after the doctor left [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]