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.And I couldn’t feel the same way toward the strangers in those photographs.I just couldn’t, even though I knew I should.Maybe I was a monster.I sat holding the picture frame for a very long time, loathing myself for being so cold and unfeeling, before another unwelcome thought wormed its way into my head; this was yet another thing that I couldn’t discuss with Nate, or with Olivia.They wouldn’t understand the guilt that came from not being able to grieve for your own parents—their parents were not strangers to them.There was only one person who might possibly be able to understand.And she was now the one person who had more reason to hate me than anyone else on the planet, the one person I definitely could not talk to about this, or possibly anything else, ever again.Emily.Who probably already hated me for stealing Lucas, even though I hadn’t actually stolen him, and even though it hadn’t even been my idea in the first place.Up until last night, there had always been the possibility we could reconcile.It’s not like anything truly bad had ever happened between us.It was just one of those things.Emily had been the new kid in fourth grade who Nate and I had decided to take pity on and befriend.The three of us had been inseparable until the summer after eighth grade, when Emily made the fateful decision to exchange her brain for shiny hair and boobs.Then we’d entered high school, and she found out the popular crowd would have her.We never saw her much after that.Nate always liked to say we “traded Emily in” for Olivia.But in reality, it was Emily who traded us in.And even though I wouldn’t give up Olivia for the world, I sometimes miss Emily.The old version of her—not the self-admiring, shell of a person she is now.In the back of my mind, I’d always sort of hoped one day she’d snap out of it and we could all be friends again.But Lucas had slammed that door shut last night.Tomorrow I’d have to endure the total, unrestrained hatred of Emily Archer.I couldn’t argue with her for hating me or blame her for it, even though I knew I’d really done nothing to deserve it.Nothing—except lust after her boyfriend for two solid months.The fact that this had nothing to do with anything was now beside the point.Ug.Tomorrow was going to be awful.8——Trick or TreatWHEN I WOKE UP THE NEXT MORNING I realized, with a slight shock, that it was Halloween.Not that the holiday meant too terribly much to me anymore.I mean, I was well past the age when it was considered appropriate to go door to door and beg for candy, but it was a mark of my preoccupation with recent events that I’d almost let it pass by without even noticing.Today, though, I was much more concerned with how my new, fake relationship with Lucas was going to go over at school.I had an ominous foreboding totally in keeping with the fact that it was October 31st.I went through my morning routine faster than usual, now that I had only one cat to feed instead of eleven.There had still been no sign of Gran or her boys when the doorbell rang at precisely seven thirty.When I opened the door, I took a moment to marvel at the way Lucas’s green, long-sleeved T-shirt set off his eyes, and the way his dark jeans seemed tailor-made to fit him.Lucas never dressed fancy—I don’t think I’d ever seen him in anything except for jeans—and he never looked like he was trying very hard, but damn that boy knew how to wear clothes.Even though he’d scoffed at the reference yesterday, I’d already started thinking about him as my very own personal guardian angel.And I had to admit that a small part of my head was gleefully celebrating that everyone at school would soon be thinking that this exquisite creature was my boyfriend.But before the celebrating could really get going, the rational side of my brain beat it back, reminding me sternly this was all fake, fake, fake, and just a job to him.Nothing more.And he’d probably rather still be fake going out with Emily.“Are you okay?” he asked, and I realized I’d been staring at him for some time, with God-only-knows what kind of weird expression on my face.“Fine,” I said, forcing my face into a normal-seeming smile as I followed him outside.There was a black Honda coupe parked behind my Oldsmobile [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]