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.“You do not like to hear of your failures? Hmmm.” Leo said from the ground.Robert walked to him and kicked him in the stomach.Joe whispered in my ear, “Let’s go, Riz.”I let him help me stand up, but then I pushed him away.I walked toward the idiots fighting near the fire.I drew the rune for stay in the air as large as my chest and threw it at the men.They all looked at me; even Leo stopped his giggling and went silent.I stood there, furious and still, my shoulders rising and falling with each measured and heavy breath.When I spoke, I spoke in whispers.“I was not your enemy.” Leo smiled.“I was not your plaything.” When I looked away, his bottom lip was trembling.“You have made me one.” Ash wouldn’t look me in the eye.“And I do not forget.”Robert opened his mouth to speak, and I turned my eyes toward him without moving my face, which shut him up.“Leave me alone, and I will return the favor, but if I see any of you…” I’d do what, thin them to death?I turned and walked over the cardboard and past the door, leaving them frozen.Joe followed behind me.When we reached his white truck parked along the curb, I swiped my fingers in the air and allowed the rune to fall.I leaned against the side of the truck, Joe standing beside me, and that was when I started to cry.CHAPTER THIRTY-FOURJoe took me home.I sat on my couch, swaddled in the throw blanket, a cup of hot chocolate in my hands.Joe sat next to me, not touching me.His eyes looked over me as if he thought I was an egg about to crack.I put my head on his shoulder, and he wrapped his arms around me.I’d like to say I could tell you how I felt.I’d like to explain how terrified, defenseless, and broken I felt, beaten at the hands of a crazy man while people stood and watched.While Ash stood and watched.I thought I could trust him.There aren’t words, at least not any words that I know, which can explain that feeling.But the worst part was afterward.When I was safe.When I was in my home, protected by the rune on the wall, and in Joe’s arms… I should have felt safe.I should have felt rested and peaceful, comforted inside and out, but I… I felt cold.Empty.My home, and Joe’s presence, didn’t fill the emptiness.All I wanted was that honey feeling, that warm healing feeling Leo benevolently bestowed on me, that pure joy that destroyed everything it touched.I wasn’t the same person that I had been that morning, linked arm in arm with my best friend.Joe didn’t understand, and he didn’t ask… I guess he didn’t even know me, not anymore.I didn’t even know myself.My family was hiding me from the Grandfathers.My own father was staying distant from me in order to shield me from the eyes of his friends.If my father had been there that night, would he have stood by and watched? Would he have had to?They knew that I was my mother’s daughter, and with her gone, the notebook should have been in my hands.They would have been right; they would have been beating a Grandmother, but… I wasn’t enough.The Grandmothers took the notebook from me, because they knew I didn’t have it in me to be one of them.All my planning, all those hours of brainstorming, and searching the internet for clues… Did I even want to find the notebook? Did I want to fulfill my family’s legacy if it meant…Joe put his arm under my knees and pulled my legs over his lap.With my head on his shoulder and his arm around my side, it felt almost as if I was a baby.I looked up and smelled him, my nose brushing softly against the underside of his chin.He smelled the same, that woodsy and honey smell that I love so much.I looked up at him, and he just looked straight ahead, not glancing at me, not needing anything from me, just there, there when I needed him.I leaned into him again, and instead of my nose brushing against the underside of his chin, it was my lips.Just once.Just one quick kiss that I hoped wouldn’t ruin everything.Joe didn’t move, so I bent into him and kissed him once more in the same place.Joe bit his lip.“Riz.” he said, and I could hear the ‘no’ in his voice.“Please,” I whispered.“Please, I don’t want to think anymore.”Joe looked down at the ground, and he sighed.Was I that hideous to him? What was wrong with me? Tears itched as they ran down my face.Joe moved his hand from behind my knees and ran his fingers against the side of my face, his thumb brushing the tears away.He bent down and kissed my forehead, his lips softer than I expected.He sat back tall, and his fingers brushed where he had kissed, and then tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear.His eyes found mine at last, and there was a question there.I lifted my hand and brushed my fingers against the side of his face, feeling his eyebrows, the wrinkle of concern in the arch above his nose, and then back alongside his hairline.I bent into him, kissed his cheek, and then held my cheek against his as he kissed the underside of my jaw.I put my head back on his shoulder, and took a breath.He said my name with more tenderness than he has ever shown me, and the hairs on the back of my neck stood out.His sunflower eyes searched into mine and then he leaned and put his lips next to mine.And then he kissed me.I just want to stop there.I want to stay in that moment in my memory, package it up, and hold it in.It makes me smile, just remembering how perfect it all was, how natural.How much it felt like… home.I can’t explain it, I just want to sit here and feel it again.It wasn’t a long kiss, and when Joe pulled away, I wanted more.I put my fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.I brushed his cheekbones with my thumb.“I…” he started, his eyes turned away from me.“What?” I asked, smiling.“I can’t do this.”“Tough.” I touched his nose with the hand not enwrapped in his hair.“Larissa…” Where was the tenderness he used when he said it before? My name felt flat as it fell from his lips.Felt foreign.“It’s just that this means something different for me, than it does for you.”“Oh.” I moved my hand from his hair feeling deflated [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]