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.Quincy said he spotted a couple of dingoes eyeing the flock a few days ago.They could do some damage, especially when the lambs come.”Hannah’s mind wandered to what she ought to say to John.How could she phrase her confession so that he’d understand?“Where are you, luv?”“What do you mean? I’m right here.”“I’ve been talking to you, but you’ve not heard a word I’ve said.”“I’m sorry.I was just thinking about something Lydia said when she came to visit.”“Any sort of trouble going on?”Now.Tell him now.“No.No trouble.Except that David wants her to be more genteel.And she’s worried that he’s spending time with Deidre.” Hannah’s horse yanked up a mouthful of grass, pulling on the reins.“Do you think she has reason to fret?”“Can’t say, really.David didn’t mention anything.But Deidre might be a temptation to a single gent like him.”Hannah suddenly felt angry.“Why?”“She’s comely.” John looked at her with a puzzled expression.“Why is it men care only about a woman’s outer beauty?”“That’s not true.There are a lot of other things that matter to us.”“There’s so much more to a person than their appearance.”“I agree.” He took Hannah’s hand.“But beauty is of some consequence.I fell in love with you, but as a man I can’t help but appreciate your beauty.” He smiled devilishly.“And would you want it any other way?”Hannah’s anger dissolved, but she didn’t answer John’s question.Instead she returned to Lydia and her troubles.“I do hope he doesn’t break Lydia’s heart.She truly loves him.”“I’m sure he must see what a fine woman she is.” John’s eyes settled on something in the distance.Hannah’s heart picked up.“What is it? Aborigines?”“No.A kangaroo.Looks like a fine one too.We could do with a bit of fresh meat.”“Must you? I’d rather eat rabbit.Or perhaps we could butcher a sheep.”“You don’t like kangaroo?” John shot her a surprised look.“You’ve never said anything.”“It’s not that.” Hannah followed her husband’s gaze.“Sometimes they seem almost human.They’re intelligent and.well, I find it hard to look into their eyes and then kill them.”“You don’t have to do any killing.That’s my job.And it makes more sense to take something wild than to butcher one of our ewes.I paid dearly for them and can’t spare a one.When the lambs are born, we’ll slaughter some of the tups, though.”“Lambs are so dear.Must we kill them?”“We don’t need a flock of rams.And no sheep remains dear forever.By the time they’re big enough for butchering, they’ll have lost their cuteness.”His eyes remained on the kangaroo.“You stay here.” John moved to Quincy, spoke to him a moment, and then set off in the direction of the kangaroo.He slipped into a grove of gum trees and moved closer to the unsuspecting animal.Hannah knew John was doing what he must, yet her stomach ached as she watched him.He disappeared inside the grove.An excellent hunter, Hannah knew he’d manage to get off a good shot.She heard the blast of the musket and saw the animal fall.She ought to be thankful for the meat, but the sight of the motionless creature only made her feel sick.This is foolishness.A kangaroo is only an animal and good forour table.I ought to be helping my husband.Tying the horses to a tree alongside the creek, she hurried toward Quincy.“I’m going to give John a hand.Watch over the sheep.”“Glad to, ma’am.”She moved toward John.When she was close, she thought he looked distressed.“What is it? What’s wrong?” She ran toward him.John stood.“No.Stop.Best you don’t come near.”“Why? What’s happened?” Ignoring his order to stop, Hannah rushed to him.“What is it?” She looked at the animal and then saw what John had seen—a joey, its head draped over the edge of its mother’s pouch.“Oh no!” Hannah knelt beside the kangaroo and lifted the baby out of the warmth of his home.He struggled and kicked at her, but she bundled him inside her petticoat and held him close.“Calm down, now.I’ll not hurt you.” She stood, still holding the little one close.He quieted.“What shall we do with him?”“There’s nothing to be done.”“What do you mean? We can’t just leave him to die.”“Put him down.I’ll end it.” John’s voice was heavy.“No.You can’t.He’s a baby.”“He’s an animal with no mother.There’s nothing to be done.”“If it was a lamb or a calf, you’d do everything you could to save it.” Hannah held the creature protectively.“He’s a wild animal.And too little to live without his mum.” “I’ll take care of him.”“You can do all you know to do and he’ll still die.I’ve never heard of anyone who has successfully tended one this young.He needs only what his mother can give him.”Hannah looked at the tiny creature in her arms.“We can’t just give up.I’ll give him milk and keep him warm.” She cradled the little thing the way she would an infant.John’s expression was somber.With a heavy sigh, he surrendered.“I suppose it won’t hurt to try.” He turned back to the mother.“I’ll take care of her.You go on.”Hannah kept the tiny kangaroo bundled tightly against her the rest of the way home.That evening, she tried to feed it, but each attempt was refused.As the hours passed, the poor creature became weaker and less responsive.“I don’t know what to do,” Hannah told John.“He’s dying.” John spoke quietly.“I tried to tell you.They don’t live without their mums.”Hannah made a bed out of a box, putting wood chips and hay in the bottom and settling the joey inside.She placed him near the hearth and then sat up and watched over him.She tried to coax him into eating, but he wouldn’t accept even a drop of milk.In the early morning hours, the joey stopped breathing.Hannah hugged it to her and sobbed, wondering why she felt such heartache for an animal.John climbed out of bed and kneeled beside her, laying an arm over her shoulders and pulling her close to him.“I’m sorry, luv.”“It’s gone.I couldn’t save it.” I can’t save anything.John took the limp creature out of Hannah’s arms.“I’ll take care of it.” He carried the joey across the room, opened the door and stepped outside, quietly closing the door behind him.Hannah stared at the dying embers in the hearth.She’d not wanted her own child.Perhaps it had been her wish for its death that had killed it.Now this creature had been placed in her care, and she’d been unable to save it.How could God trust her with a child of her own?There’d be no babies for her.She squeezed her eyes shut.Why, Lord? Why can’t I have a child? Please, please don’t leaveme barren.She covered her face with her hands and sobbed, knowing that no matter how much she longed for a baby, she’d never have one.8Hannah set a plate of sliced bread on the table and then moved to the hearth [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]