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.''No.''In that case, you have us over a barrel -' said Colonel Korn without rancor.'He ought to be ashamed of himself!''-and we have to send you home.Just do a few little things for us, and -''What sort of things?' Yossarian interrupted with belligerent misgiving.'Oh, tiny, insignificant things.Really, this is a very generous deal we're making withyou.We will issue orders returning you to the States - really, we will - and all youhave to do in return is''What? What must I do?'Colonel Korn laughed curtly.'Like us.'Yossarian blinked.'Like you?''Like us.''Like you?''That's right,' said Colonel Korn, nodding, gratified immeasurably by Yossarian'sguileless surprise and bewilderment.'Like us.Join us.Be our pal.Say nice thingsabout us here and back in the States.Become one of the boys.Now, that isn't askingtoo much, is it?''You just want me to like you? Is that all?''That's all.''That's all?''Just find it in your heart to like us.'Yossarian wanted to laugh confidently when he saw with amazement that Colonel Kornwas telling the truth.'That isn't going to be too easy,' he sneered.'Oh, it will be a lot easier than you think,' Colonel Korn taunted in return, undismayedby Yossarian's barb.'You'll be surprised at how easy you'll find it to like us once youbegin.' Colonel Korn hitched up the waist of his loose, voluminous trousers.The deepblack grooves isolating his square chin from his jowls were bent again in a kind ofjeering and reprehensible mirth.'You see, Yossarian, we're going to put you on easystreet.We're going to promote you to major and even give you another medal.Captain Flume is already working on glowing press releases describing your valor overFerrara, your deep and abiding loyalty to your outfit and your consummate dedicationto duty.Those phrases are all actual quotations, by the way.We're going to glorifyyou and send you home a hero, recalled by the Pentagon for morale and publicrelations purposes.You'll live like a millionaire.Everyone will lionize you.You'll haveparades in your honor and make speeches to raise money for war bonds.A whole newworld of luxury awaits you once you become our pal.Isn't it lovely?'Yossarian found himself listening intently to the fascinating elucidation of details.'I'm not sure I want to make speeches.''Then we'll forget the speeches.The important thing is what you say to people here.'Colonel Korn leaned forward earnestly, no longer smiling.'We don't want any of themen in the group to know that we're sending you home as a result of your refusal tofly more missions.And we don't want General Peckem or General Scheisskopf to get wind of anyfriction between us, either.That's why we're going to become such good pals.''What will I say to the men who asked me why I refused to fly more missions?''Tell them you had been informed in confidence that you were being returned to theStates and that you were unwilling to risk your life for another mission or two.Just aminor disagreement between pals, that's all.''Will they believe it?''Of course they'll believe it, once they see what great friends we've become andwhen they see the press releases and read the flattering things you have to sayabout me and Colonel Cathcart.Don't worry about the men.They'll be easy enough todiscipline and control when you've gone.It's only while you're still here that theymay prove troublesome.You know, one good apple can spoil the rest,' Colonel Kornconcluded with conscious irony.'You know - this would really be wonderful - you mighteven serve as an inspiration to them to fly more missions.''Suppose I denounce you when I get back to the States?''After you've accepted our medal and promotion and all the fanfare? No one wouldbelieve you, the Army wouldn't let you, and why in the world should you want to?You're going to be one of the boys, remember? You'll enjoy a rich, rewarding,luxurious, privileged existence.You'd have to be a fool to throw it all away just for amoral principle, and you're not a fool.Is it a deal?''I don't know.''It's that or a court-martial.''That's a pretty scummy trick I'd be playing on the men in the squadron, isn't it?''Odious,' Colonel Korn agreed amiably, and waited, watching Yossarian patiently witha glimmer of private delight.'But what the hell!' Yossarian exclaimed.'If they don't want to fly more missions, letthem stand up and do something about it the way I did.Right?''Of course,' said Colonel Korn.'There's no reason I have to risk my life for them, is there?''Of course not.'Yossarian arrived at his decision with a swift grin.'It's a deal!' he announced jubilantly.'Great,' said Colonel Korn with somewhat less cordiality than Yossarian had expected,and he slid himself off Colonel Cathcart's desk to stand on the floor.He tugged thefolds of cloth of his pants and undershorts free from his crotch and gave Yossarian alimp hand to shake.'Welcome aboard.''Thanks, Colonel.I -''Call me Blackie, John.We're pals now.''Sure, Blackie.My friends call me Yo-Yo.Blackie, I -''His friends call him Yo-Yo,' Colonel Korn sang out to Colonel Cathcart.'Why don'tyou congratulate Yo-Yo on what a sensible move he's making?''That's a real sensible move you're making, Yo-Yo,' Colonel Cathcart said, pumpingYossarian's hand with clumsy zeal.'Thank you, Colonel, I -''Call him Chuck,' said Colonel Korn [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]