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.”Jamie tilted his head.“I guess I can understand that.Well, as disappointed as I am, we both need to eat.How about we finish our dinner? If it helps, don’t think of this as a date.It’s more of a friend thing, okay?”“I’d like that.” Robert nodded, managing a real smile at last.Jamie might not have worked out as a partner, but Robert was glad he hadn’t alienated Jamie with his waffling.Even if he wasn’t ready to let go of his feelings for Stephen, he still wanted to expand his social circle beyond the restaurant, and he felt like he’d made a good start.He turned his attention back to his plate with renewed interest.He was still worried about Stephen, but at least he could relax and enjoy a pleasant meal with a new friend.Chapter TwelveAfter leaving Rhys, Stephen had gotten in his car and driven around aimlessly for hours, not knowing where to go or what to do.He felt as low as he ever had in his life, and all the self doubt he managed to bury behind his shield of snark and temper rose up to haunt him with images of endless years alone.He’d revealed far too much, and he hated that he’d let even Rhys get a glimpse that far behind his walls.Rhys was his best friend, but Stephen had learned at an early age never to show anyone his weaknesses because he knew they could be used against him.His own father had done it, after all, using Stephen’s grief and misplaced guilt about his mother’s death to push him into becoming John Pierce’s image of the perfect chef.Once Stephen had realized how he was being manipulated, he’d managed to break free, but it had left him unable to trust anyone with the worst of his own self-doubts.It was safer to snap and yell at everyone so they focused on their own insecurities and paid no attention to Stephen’s.Then Robert had come along, and he’d become one of the few people, like Rhys, who seemed willing to stick around despite Stephen’s prickly personality.Yet any time Stephen had dared to think perhaps he and Robert could move beyond a purely professional relationship and toward something deeper, his insecurities rose up to plague him.No one who really knew exactly how fucked up he was would want to stick around, so he’d buried any thoughts of Robert behind the safety of their business relationship and rarely contemplated wanting more.Yet somehow Robert had wormed his way under Stephen’s skin, becoming necessary to Stephen in a way no one else was.Needing someone was frightening, and Stephen was a man who refused to admit any fear.Now the lid had been ripped off his emotional lockbox, and Stephen didn’t know how to deal with it.Everything seemed like an unreal blur, as he stared at the headlights of oncoming cars without really seeing them.He knew he’d stopped to fill the car with gas, take a break, and get something to eat, but he was like an automaton going through the motions.It wasn’t until the setting sun flashed in his eyes and nearly blinded him that he abruptly realized he’d been driving for over eight hours.Surprised, he looked at the car’s GPS, uncertain where he was.Apparently he must have been going aimlessly around in circles, since he was on the interstate just outside of Charleston, not even thirty minutes from where he’d started.He couldn’t go back home.Robert or Rhys could show up there, and he wasn’t ready to face either of them.Pulling out his cell phone, he noted with a frown that he must have texted Robert at some point, although he could only vaguely remember having done so.Hopefully Robert wouldn’t worry, because if Robert got worried, his sense of duty would prod him to come looking for his wayward boss, and that just wouldn’t do.Not yet.Not until Stephen could rebuild his defenses and get a grip on himself.There was really only one place he could go, andhe headed up the coast, grateful that he and Ian had managed to bury the hatchet and put the years of bitter misunderstanding behind them.He’d even discovered, to his surprise, that he liked his younger brother, and he and Ian were more alike than he ever would have believed possible.Besides, Ian had said he would be there if Stephen needed help figuring things out, so Ian couldn’t complain if he showed up asking for asylum.Two hours later, Stephen pulled up in front of Ian’s house, relieved to see his brother’s car was parked in front.The lack of sleep was starting to catch up with him, and he staggered as he got out of his car and dragged himself up the porch steps to knock on the door.It wasn’t long before the door swung open and Ian appeared, wearing faded jeans and a Filling Station tee shirt with flour on it.“Hey, big brother, what brings you out here this time of night?” He stood aside to let Stephen in, giving him an assessing once-over.“Looking like shit.”Stephen summoned up as much of a glare as he could, but he knew he was off his game.“I feel like shit, too,”he muttered as he stepped past Ian and into the house.He sniffed, catching the scents of ginger and cinnamon and baking, and his stomach growled loudly.“You said if I needed help figuring things out I should give you a call.Ring, ring.”“Well, come on back to the kitchen.” Ian turned and sauntered away, beckoning for Stephen to follow him.“We’ve got some leftover chicken and pastry and some cornbread, and I’ll sneak you some of Matt’s gingersnaps if you want them.”“That sounds great.Thanks.” Stephen followed along, too tired to do anything else.They entered the warm, pleasant kitchen, and Matt looked up from where he was seated at the table, an open laptop in front of him.“Uh, hi, Stephen,” he said, rising from his seat and shooting Ian an inquisitive look.He pulled out the other chair.“Here, have a seat; you look exhausted.Do you want some tea or something stronger?”Stephen had regarded Matt Davis as no more than his brother’s ever-present sidekick for years, and when Matt and Ian had gotten over their mutual denial and finally hooked up, Stephen had been amused and secretly envious.But he was grateful Davis was treating his unexpected appearance so matter-of-factly.“Thank you,” he said, dropping heavily into the chair.“Tea would be fine.”“I’ll take care of it.” Ian slid his arm around Matt’s waist and kissed his cheek.“Mind if we have some fraternal bonding time in here? I promise I won’t let him eat all of your cookies.”“Of course I don’t mind.” Matt gave Ian a quick hug, then turned and picked up his laptop.“You’re welcome to all the cookies you want, Stephen.” He didn’t say Stephen looked like he could use them, but the words hung in the air, unspoken, as Matt gave him a slight smile.Stephen nodded, and Matt headed toward the door, filching one of the cooling cookies on his way out.When he was gone, Stephen sighed, slumping in the chair and rubbing his face with both hands.“God.If I look as bad as I feel, don’t show me a mirror.I might turn to stone.”Ian moved around the kitchen with brisk efficiency, pouring Stephen a tall glass of sweet iced tea and warming up some chicken and pastry for him.“What happened? Did something go wrong at the restaurant?”Stephen picked up the glass and drained it in a few gulps, the cold tea quenching a thirst he’d not even realized he had.He dropped his gaze, shrugging slightly.“In a way, I suppose.Or at least I found out about it at the restaurant [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]