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.“Like I’m going to try to kill you tomorrow.”“You’re not?” I ask.“I sort of thought that was the point.”Her eyes narrow.“Does it make you nervous? Wondering who would win?” There’s steel in her jaw and for a second I think I’m looking at a genuine crazy person.But then she shakes her head, and her frustrated expression looks a whole lot like Carmel’s.“Have you ever considered that I might have a plan?”“I never considered that you didn’t,” I reply.But what she calls a plan I call an agenda.“Have you ever considered that it might be just a tiny bit unfair? What with me bleeding all my guts out.”“Ha,” she scoffs.“You think you’re the only one? Blood is a one-passenger ticket.”I stop walking.“Jesus, Jestine.Say no.”She smiles and shrugs, like being stuck like a pig happens to her every other Thursday.“If you go, I go.”We stand in silence.They mean for one of us to make it back with the athame.But what if neither of us brings it back? Part of me wonders if I could just lose the athame there forever, and they’d be without it; without a way to open the gate and without a purpose.Maybe then they would just disappear and get their hooks out of Jestine.But even as I wonder, the other part of me hisses that the athame is mine, that stupid blood-tie singing in my ears, and if the Order has its hooks into Jestine, the athame itself has its hooks into me.Without a word, we start to walk together down the long hall.I’m so pent up and irritated with this place; I want to kick down the closed doors and break up a prayer circle, maybe juggle the athame with a couple of candles just to see the horrified looks on their faces and hear their screams of “Sacrilege!”“This is going to sound weird,” Jestine says.“But can I hang out with you guys tonight? I’m not going to get much sleep, and”—she glances around guiltily—“this place is giving me the creeps right now.”* * *When I walk in with Jestine, Thomas and Carmel are surprised, but they don’t seem hostile.They’re probably both pretty thankful that Thomas still has his whole carotid.Gideon is in the common area with them, sitting in a wingback chair.He’d been staring into the fire before we came in and doesn’t really look focused now that we’re here.The light from the fire digs into all of the creases of his face.For the first time since I’ve been here, he looks his age.“Did you talk to the Order about being in the ritual?” I ask.“Yes,” Carmel replies.“They’ll make sure we’re ready.But I don’t know how much good I’ll do.I’ve been a little busy for extra witchcraft lessons.”“Witch or not, you’ve got blood,” Gideon pipes up.“And when the Order readies the door tomorrow, it’s going to be the strongest spell anyone has attempted in perhaps the last fifty years.Every one of us will have to pay in, not just Theseus and Jestine.”“You’re going,” Thomas says to me, sort of dazedly.“I guess I hadn’t thought of that.I thought we’d just pull her back.That you’d stay here.That we’d be there.”I smile.“Get that guilty look off your face.A corpse just tried to eat you.You’ve done enough.” It doesn’t do any good, though; I can see it behind his eyes.He’s still trying to think of more.They all look at me.There’s fear in them, but not terror.And there’s no reservation.Part of me wants to smack them upside their heads, call them lemmings and adrenaline junkies.But that isn’t it.Not a single one of them would be here if not for me, and I don’t know whether that’s right or wrong.All I know is that I’m grateful.It’s almost impossible to think that less than a year ago, I might’ve been alone.* * *Gideon said it would be a good idea to get some sleep, but none of us really listened.Not even him.He spent most of the night in the same wingback chair, dozing uneasily, on and off, jerking awake every time the fire crackled too loudly [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]