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.I groan against his neck as I shove the last few times and then I shoot up his ass when he clamps down on me with a high cry.We stay still like that for a while, both drowning in high, listening and seeing if anyone’s awake.When I hear nothing I let him slide to the floor.“Sorry,” I say to him, my voice sounding surprisingly monotone.I tuck my softening cock into my pants, still not registering what I just did.“Don’t,” he pants.“I’m glad you fucked me instead of some other guy.Thank you, Adam.” I look down at his tear-lined cheeks and consider, only for a moment, to take him up to our old room and fuck him again, only properly with tenderness and love and proper lube.I’d lick away those tears and tell him how much I love him.At the same time I’m irritated with myself for letting loose on Jesse after all the hard work of staying away.I don’t think I’ll tell Eric about this; he’d go ballistic.“I force myself on you and you thank me?” I rub my face with my palm.I didn’t fuck Jesse as a replacement for Jazz.I fucked Jesse because I was weak for him and when I saw him waiting up for me…“Adam, come to me anytime you need release.Anytime.Just…just don’t do it with other guys, please.” As he whispers that last word in a pleading voice, more tears spill over.I close my eyes when I can’t watch him cry anymore.I hate that I’m hurting him.I’m not supposed to hurt him because I love him.But there’s a simple solution to this, only he can’t see it and it frustrates me to hell.All he has to do is break up with Anne.“Sorry that I hurt you.I hope I didn’t tear anything,” I say in a low voice.“This won’t happen again.I’ll find another outlet.” He calls my name as I leave.I hear him fumbling with his pants before I shut the door to Eric’s room.I don’t answer when he knocks for half an hour, begging me to talk to him.I curl myself under my sheet and clamp my hands over my ears.I shut my eyes as if that should help.My whole body trembles and tears spill over as I stand my ground and refuse to open the door for the man I love.chAPteR sixteen“We should just go to the library,” I mutter.The yellow painted walls in the living room are making me sleepy.The darkness outside isn’t helping and the light from the lamp and chandelier is too faint.The whole lot makes my eyelids feel heavy and my head cloudy.A few drops of rain tap against the window while Eric rustles through some pink sheets of notes.“I told you already, it’s full.We could always go back to our room, but you kept whining about being cooped up there all day.”We spend every waking minute studying.It’s the same as usual; he’s nervous about the exams and takes it out on me.The first exam is tomorrow morning and he always insists upon eight hours of sleep before an exam, so we should be finishing up soon.But honestly? Everything I read past this point is a waste of time, because I’m too damned tired.“And we can’t sit on the sofa because…?”“Because you look like you’re ready to pass out,” he replies.“The hard carpet will keep you uncomfortable enough to stay awake.”I haven’t seen Jesse in almost a week.I don’t know if he’s avoiding me or if he’s been busy.What I did to him that night was horrible.I swear, I had burn marks on my cock after that barbaric treatment, so I can only imagine how painful it must have been for Jesse.But I can’t shake this sick feeling in my stomach that he’s decided to give up on me, and I wouldn’t blame him.“Ah, here it is.” Eric pulls out a piece of paper and flattens it on the brown carpet.Eric’s notes are always very thorough, but almost every corner of every paper is decorated with tiny stick figures having sex.It amazes me that he’s able to doodle and take excessive notes at the same time.“Why are you being so gloomy today?”Seriously.Nothing ever escapes him – except for my very brief hook-up with Jesse a week ago.Eric wasn’t even looking at my face.Does that mean I really am oozing some gloomy emo aura?“It’s nothing,” I mumble.“Dude, seriously, lighten up will you? You may be gorgeous, but your personality sucks.If I wanted to bask in broody emoness I’d watch reruns of Twilight.”I raise my eyebrow.“You watch Twilight?”“No, I didn’t say that.Well, maybe if there is nothing else on TV.”“Do they do reruns of Twilight on TV?”“Fine, I have the collection – but it was a gift from Benji.”I keep my eyes steady on Eric who keeps his locked on the paper on the floor.“Oh come on!” His eyes snap up to meet my stare.“Robert Pattinson is seriously hot as Edward Cullen.You have to think so too since he’s your type.”My body shakes with laughter [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]