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.He’d been so pissed off, he’d retaliated and sat out a double minor in the penalty box.During his stint in the sin bin, the Penguins scored on a five on four and won four to three.That night, Sam boarded the jet, turned his iPod to shuffle, and stuck in his earphones.He just wanted to forget about that night’s game.He didn’t want to think about bouncing pucks and bad penalties.He really didn’t want to think about anything.His life was easier that way.But he’d been thinking about his sister, Ella, the past week or so.More than usual.Maybe because he was making an effort to spend more time with Conner.Taking on more of the responsibility for his son.The weight of that responsibility scared the hell out of him.It wasn’t a new weight.Just one he hadn’t carried in a long time.After the death of his father, he’d become the man of the family.Responsible for his mother and sister, Ella.Not financially, not back then, but responsible.He’d taken his job seriously, or at least as seriously as a kid could.His mother had been a strong, competent woman.Still was, but Ella… Ella had been lost without her dad.Lost and empty, and Sam had filled the void for her.He’d looked out for her and made sure nothing bad ever happened.When he could, he’d take her to fun places.During the summer, her shiny blond ponytail was never out of his peripheral vision.And during the school year, he’d made sure she did her homework and hung out with the right kinds of kids.At nineteen, he’d been picked up in the first round of drafts and moved nearly five hundred miles away to Edmonton.He’d visited home as much as he could, and he talked to her almost every day.When she’d turned sixteen, he’d bought her a car, and when she graduated from high school, he took her to Cancún to celebrate.That same summer, he was traded to the Maple Leafs, and Ella moved with him to Toronto.She attended York University and graduated with a bachelor’s degree in education.He’d been so proud of her.She was beautiful and smart and funny, and her future was wide open.Then she met Ivan, and she changed.Not long after the two began dating, she became withdrawn and sullen and secretive.The first time he saw a bruise on her face, he caught up with Ivan at his construction job.He knocked the little shit on his ass, planted his size-fourteen shoe on the guy’s chest, and told him he’d kill him if he ever saw another bruise on Ella.As a result of his interference, he saw less and less of his sister.But after a year and a half of the roller-coaster ride that was Ella and Ivan’s relationship, she finally left him.Sam moved her back home to Regina, and she lived in a small apartment not far from their mother.Sam was relieved and ecstatic.Ella got reacquainted with old friends and gradually came back to herself.The last time he’d seen her, the old, happy, full-of-life Ella shone from her big blue eyes.He’d been at home in Toronto when he got the call that changed his life forever.It was June 13, and he’d just finished a round of golf with some of the guys and was sitting at his dining-room table, eating a peameal sandwich and chips that he’d picked up on the way home.He’d been halfway through his lunch when his mother had called with the news that Ella had been killed.That Ivan had traveled across Canada to find her, and when she wouldn’t get back together with him, he’d shot her, then himself.Beautiful, smart Ella was dead with a bullet in her head.And one of the tragedies of it all, but certainly not the biggest, was that Ivan was dead, too, because Sam would have dearly loved to kill him.His sister was dead, and he hadn’t been able to help her.He hadn’t been there when she’d needed him most.He’d been the man of the family, but he’d failed to keep his sister safe.The first few years after Ella’s death were a nightmare.A blur of excessive partying and self-destruction.During that low point, the only time his life came into focus, the only time it made any sort of sense, was on the ice.Fighting it out.Working his guilt out on whoever dared to skate across his personal piece of real estate.Off the ice, he’d backed away from anything that resembled taking on the responsibility for anyone but himself.He could only take care of Sam, and sometimes, he royally fucked that up.He’d hooked up with Autumn on the anniversary of Ella’s death.A real low point.A point where he’d felt the huge hole his sister had left behind.Nothing had filled that hole, but for those few days in Vegas, he’d given it one hell of a try.He’d binged on booze and sex.He didn’t recall a whole lot about that time, but he did know that for a few short days, he hadn’t felt so goddamn empty.He’d filled up with a redheaded girl with dark green eyes.There’d been something about her, something that had made him pursue her like she could save him from himself.Then he’d woken up married, hungover, and sober for the first time since arriving in Nevada.These days, he no longer felt the need to fill the void with booze and random women.The void was still there.Nothing could ever replace a sister.She would always be the missing part of his family, but he was no longer so self-destructive.The women in his life weren’t random.No more rink bunnies and hockey groupies, but neither were they long-term.He always kept that part of his life separate from his life with his son.At least he thought he had until Conner mentioned that photograph of him pouring beer on bikini models.Conner was old enough to be affected by Sam’s life.Old enough to know his dad had time for other people but not for him.He’d always felt Conner was safer with Autumn.That she would do a lot better job of taking care of him than Sam would.That was probably still true, but Conner needed him, too.Not some guy he saw in sports clips and on occasional weekends.His son needed him to step up.The jet engines slowed as it prepared to descend into Seattle.It was about 3:00 A.M.Saturday morning, and Sam looked out at the lights below.He planned to sleep for about the next ten hours, then some of the guys were going to meet downtown to judge a Halloween contest.When he’d talked to Conner earlier, he’d learned that his son had decided to dress up as a hockey player.A Chinook hockey player like his dad.He wouldn’t mind seeing Conner wearing a sweater with Sam’s number on it, but Halloween wasn’t his holiday, and Autumn was a real stickler about holiday visitation.Normally, he might just risk showing up and incurring the wrath of Autumn, but after the night he’d dropped Conner off home after the game, they’d been getting along.Although getting along might be a bit of an overstatement.The few times he’d dropped Conner off instead of relying on Nat to do it for him, they were civil, and he hadn’t felt the urge to cover his nuts.He figured that as long as he didn’t bring Conner home late without calling, or try and muscle her out of her holiday, he was probably safe from her foot in his crotch.He’d see Conner the day after Halloween.Maybe take him to that arcade he liked so much [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]