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.“I was afraid the truth might do more damage.I didn’t want to lose you either.Not in addition to everything else.”“Lying to my face isn’t the horse I’d have chosen to bet on,” Hugh deadpans.“I know,” I answer raggedly.“And you have to know how much I regret it.”Whatever Hugh might have said is cut off by the front door slamming, a warning, however insufficient, that Nate is home.Any bombshells still in store are about to make themselves known.My stomach tries to launch itself from my knees up to my throat, and I have to turn away from Hugh to hide how nauseated I must look.From his pained expression, I know he catches it anyway, but instead of commenting, he goes to meet Nate.“So what’s with all the secrecy, dude?” he asks, not bothering with pleasantries as I hear Nate’s footsteps approach the kitchen.I don’t blame the man, who must be thoroughly sick of surprises by now.His tone suggests there’s already been some kind of a discussion between him and Nate, but I’m startled to find he knows as little about the topic of today’s surprise discussion as me.“No secrecy here,” says Nate, and by the lengthy pause that follows, I know he’s waiting for me to turn around and look at him.Like he needs my permission to continue.I do, very hesitantly, because his gaze itches and burns between my shoulder blades.For several long moments our eyes meet and he doesn’t smile.“I have to talk to both of you,” he explains, more to me than Hugh, it seems.“Together.”“So talk,” snaps Hugh, clearly antsy.Nate nods.“Let’s go into the other room,” he suggests and, off the blank look shared between Hugh and me, adds, “It’s just more freaking comfortable, okay?” He then turns and walks away with the clear expectation for us to follow.Exchanging another glance, Hugh and I do just that.I inhale sharply when I feel his hand brush reassuringly across my shoulder.The gesture of support comes out of nowhere and could crumple me where I stand.In the living room, Nate gestures for us to take the sofa while he himself paces awhile before settling lightly on the edge of the coffee table.His fingers drum an anxious tattoo against the wood.It makes me uncomfortable that Nate sits closer to me than he does Hugh, slotting our legs together in a way that’s loose and perhaps even unintentional, for his thigh barely brushes my knee unless I jostle it around.A little voice suggests he’s trying to be close to me, and I know then that this conversation won’t be good, not if he’s steeling himself like this, reaching for whatever support he can get.Why does he think I’m the one to give it? But still, when I catch his knee bouncing nervously, I want to reach out and still it with my hand.After all this time, it agitates me to see Nate in a state of struggle.He clears his throat a little.“I know it’s weird to call a meeting like this, considering we all practically live here….” Or did, I think.“But I’ve been thinking through some stuff in the last twenty-four hours and made a few decisions I couldn’t sit on any longer.I’m sorry if this seems out of the blue,” he adds.Oh Christ.Not only is this bombshell going to be bad, but it’s going to be big, because Nate doesn’t give these types of wind-up speeches for anything.It’s clear he’s working himself up to it as much as he’s trying to ease us in.Surely Hugh must know this, too, but he groans and says, “Jesus, Nate, just spit it out,” like the anticipation is killing him too much for the warm-up.He wants it ripped off like a Band-Aid, no preliminaries and no courtesy.I’d understand, except I know that whatever comes out of Nate’s mouth next won’t affect Hugh half so much as it affects me.This is it.He’s going to ask me to leave, I realize, and my hands tighten on the sofa cushions as my stomach flips violently.Sure enough, Nate’s eyes flicker over to mine, confirming that Hugh is here to receive the information, but otherwise this conversation is between Nate and me.“This isn’t working,” Nate says, voice catching, and he gives a little shake of his head.“Guess that ain’t no surprise, but one of us has to get the fuck on out of here before someone gets hurt even worse.I can’t do it anymore.” The silent Phel tacked on to the end of that statement is terribly clear to me; clear to Hugh, too, since he glances over once [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]