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.We were boyfriends, a couple.I was the top.He was the bottom.Some people don’t care for labels, but I like this one.I enjoy being a top.And I know Jeremey enjoys being a bottom.I came a little faster than usual that first time we had anal sex, and it had me so overstimulated I had to make the sign to lay by myself a second until I could calm down.Jeremey didn’t mind.He jerked himself off, then lay quiet on the bed, looking like he might fall asleep.When I made the sign that I was ready to cuddle, he snuggled against me and kissed my chest.“Did you like the anal sex?” I asked him.“I loved it, Emmet.” He leaned up to kiss my chin.“I love you.”“I love you, Jeremey.” I got the wet wipes to clean us up, and then I held him until he fell asleep.I am normal.I belong.I have a friend who can kick ass from a wheelchair.I live independently and get good grades.I’m an excellent lover.Like I said.I’m awesome.I’m Emmet David Washington.Train Man.The best autistic Blues Brother on the block.Chapter Twenty-FourJeremeyOn the one-year anniversary of my meltdown at school, I had a family meeting with my parents.It was at my therapy session, and Dr.North was there, but I almost thought I could have done it without him.He’d given me that option, but I decided it was the same as my Target practice.Best to start the first try with something I was sure would work out.My parents were nervous, and I couldn’t blame them.The last time we’d had a family meeting, Emmet had panicked, and I’d shouted.This time he wasn’t with us, though.He waited in the lobby, probably counting ceiling tiles or figuring pi.This was a meeting I wanted to do by myself.“Thank you for coming,” I told Mom and Dad as we sat down.“It’s good to see you.”My mom frowned and brushed invisible lint from her trousers.“You never visit us.You don’t call often.”It wasn’t a friendly start to our meeting, but I’d talked a lot about my parents, especially my mom, with Dr.North.I’d expected this kind of greeting.Worse, to be honest.I hadn’t been sure they’d come at all.“Well, I want to talk to you about visiting you more.” I had my hands in my lap, carefully not making a fist or fidgeting.I wanted to present calm, controlled body language.It was difficult to do, but I wanted to try.“But I also wanted to tell you what I’ve learned in the last year.Since the day I had to leave school.Would you care to hear what I’ve learned? What I’ve done at The Roosevelt?”My mom crossed her arms over her body and glanced at my dad, still frowning.“I suppose.”I admit, I wanted her to be eager and happy.I will always watch Emmet’s parents and David’s and wish mine could be like theirs.But that wasn’t who my parents were.And though they made me nervous and were, I’m pretty sure, the reason I got as out of control as I did, I did love them, and if I could have a relationship with them, I wanted one.This was the first step toward that.I wasn’t sure success here was any more likely than me being able to go to a rock concert and dance in the pit, but I wanted to try.I told my mom what I’d learned.“Well, there are a lot of things.Most of them are little to most people, but they’re big to me.I’ve learned how to live by myself, for one.I know how to balance my checkbook and make sure there’s food in the fridge.With Emmet’s help, I keep my room clean, and the apartment too.I help residents at The Roosevelt, especially David, my friend who is a quadriplegic.I want to go to school to be his aide.I signed up for an online class this summer.I want to go to the classroom in Ankeny, but I’m going to work up to it slowly.“That’s the big thing I learned this year: it’s okay to go slow.That everybody else’s pace and definition of success isn’t mine.What is easy for other people isn’t necessarily so for me.Though some things are easy for me and hard for other people.This year I learned I’m good at feelings.Emmet calls these our superpowers—his are listening and seeing and math and remembering.Mine is feelings.I can tell what everyone is feeling all the time, and I almost feel it with them.So I have to be careful, because if there are too many feelings around me at once, I get overwhelmed.This is why shopping is challenging for me.It’s as if every aisle has strangers with too many feelings, and I can’t always stop them.But I’ve learned how, sometimes.I take headphones and wear sunglasses.I take my friends.I take my boyfriend.”I smiled, thinking of Emmet.“That’s another something I learned this year: how to be a boyfriend.How to listen to someone else, what they need, how to give it to them.What I need.How to love them.How to handle it when they get jealous—or when I do.How to make a life with someone.How to help someone else through their struggles, and let them help me with mine.”I stopped then, waiting.I wasn’t sure if they still didn’t like Emmet.I watched their faces, trying to read them.They weren’t happy, but I couldn’t tell if it was Emmet, or because this meeting made them uncomfortable.That seemed a good time to move on to the next part.“The other thing I learned, Mom and Dad, is that I need to protect myself.There’s nothing wrong with me and who I am, but I do have depression and anxiety, and they’re both pretty severe.I have major depressive disorder.I have clinical anxiety [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]