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.What was it about Roan that made him different from the others? Ishaan had never wanted Hektor or Trydel or Dek or any of them like he wanted Roan.Roan was just so.so nice and friendly and compassionate and understanding.And so unafraid.It was like he truly understood what Ishaan went through and what he did, and he wasn’t afraid.None of the others had.They did their job and avoided him as much as possible, which was what he had encouraged.He didn’t blame them.Ishaan couldn’t decide if Roan’s attitude was an asset or a liability.His stupid jokes seemed to indicate the latter.Not being afraid was one thing, but did he have to be so careless? The more Ishaan cared about him, the more it would hurt when everything fell apart.Tossing and turning, Ishaan lay awake, blue-white light piercing his eyelids every time he closed them, the thunder rattling the marrow of his bones.Poor Roan.Ishaan raised his head, frowning into the darkness.That noise, it sounded like the little window in his door being opened, but why?“Ishaan?” Roan said softly.“Yeah, what is it?” Ishaan asked, throwing back the covers and starting to get out of bed.“What’s wrong?”“Oh,” Roan said, sounding surprised.“Are you awake?”“Yes.What’s wrong?”“Nothing,” Roan said quickly.“I-I just.wanted to apologize again for what I said earlier.I’d never come into your room without your permission.”“Oh,” Ishaan said, a little confused.“Okay.Thanks.”“Good night,” Roan said and shut the window again.As Ishaan lay back down, he rubbed a hand along the stubble forming on his jaw, replaying Roan’s voice in his head.He had sounded surprised, like he hadn’t expected to find Ishaan awake.But why try to get his attention if he thought Ishaan was asleep? Unless he wanted Ishaan to be asleep.Had he wanted to apologize to a sleeping man who wouldn’t remember, who wouldn’t respond? Was this the first time Roan had tried to clear his conscience in such a way? Ishaan doubted it.Did Roan talk to him about other things? His frown eased and a soft smile pulled at his lips as he pictured Roan standing outside the door, rambling on like he had a tendency to do, making inane comments about what was on TV, saying all the things he couldn’t say to Ishaan when he was awake.Ishaan sighed into the darkness and rolled over, tucking his arms up under his pillow and closing his eyes.It was a nice thought, anyway.Chapter Twenty OneRoan sat in the armchair in his room, the laptop balanced on his knees as he scrolled through his e-mail.He hadn’t heard from Kethic in a couple of weeks and the wedding was growing steadily closer.If they were even still going through with it.Roan trashed the accumulated junk mail and clicked over to a local weather site.No storms in the forecast.He sighed in relief.Last week’s had just about been his undoing.He had waited long enough for Ishaan to fall asleep—on a normal night, he would have been asleep.If Roan had gone in without checking.A soft knock on his half-closed door roused him from his thoughts and he glanced up as Ishaan stuck his head into the room.“What’s up?” Roan asked.“Payday,” Ishaan said, tossing a handful of coins onto Roan’s bed.“Thanks,” Roan said as Ishaan started to withdraw.Roan opened his mouth and started to speak, then hesitated.He wanted to just let Ishaan walk away, like he’d been doing for days, but it had to be done.“Hey, Ishaan?”“Yeah, what is it?” Ishaan asked, stepping back into the doorway.“Do you need to go to Devaen any time soon?” Roan asked, the words flat and lifeless on his tongue, almost spoken a hundred times.“I’ve got some errands to do and I could walk, but I thought if you needed to go—”“Yeah, I’ll give you a ride,” Ishaan said.“I can get a few things at the store.”“Thanks,” Roan said, a sick sort of weight settling in his gut.Closing the laptop, he stood and set it in the seat of the chair before changing his clothes.He had to do this—he wanted to [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]