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.Sebastian moaned delightedly and Jamie – froze.He took his hands away and gently pushed Sebastian away.“I'm sorry.” Jamie whispered.Sebastian didn't understand what was happening, he was not able to respond.One moment he was practically dry-humping Jamie and the next, he was rejected.He ran a hand through his hair in desperation.“I like you Sebastian.I want this to be more than just a quick get off/get out kind of thing.This didn't feel right.I don't want us to come in our pants like experimenting teenagers.Despite what my job might imply, I'm not very experienced.This – all of this, is new to me.” Jamie said and lowered his head, almost as if he was ashamed.What Jamie meant to say, but what he didn't know how to articulate was, that he had never had sex with someone he liked so much.He had a lot of experience, yes, but not with feelings and actions correlating.Sebastian considered what to say, he took Jamie's hand in his and laid down next to Jamie, his head resting on his shoulder.“We'll take it slow.I promise to exercise my restraint and not to rush you, although patience is not my strongest virtue.” Their hands were laced together on Jamie's chest.“Thank you for telling me and stopping me.” Sebastian sounded honest, but also sad.“I want to do this the right way.Honesty is an important part for me.” Jamie admitted and he hesitated to speak on for a moment, before he added: “I don't know why I feel so connected to you, but I do.It feels good and it feels right and just to tell you right away, it has nothing to do with being grateful.”Sebastian raised a questioning eyebrow.“Me being intimate with you? I want to do it for myself and not because I think you need to be rewarded for letting us stay.”“I never thought this would be.”“Good.But I should go back to my room now.”It all came so suddenly and it all ended suddenly too.Mere moments ago, Jamie lay in his bed, without a doubt aroused too and now he was slipping out of the room, closing the door behind himself gently.Sebastian let himself fall down on the bed and sighed, before he cursed and punched the mattress beside him.Sebastian got up and went to the kitchen.It was 9:51pm, the red numbers on his oven display told him.He took a bottle of water out of the fridge and peeked into the living room.Agnes and Kai were watching a movie and laughing at a funny scene.Sebastian lingered in the dark with his bottle and watched his brother.Kai had recently split up with his long-time girlfriend.Because she didn't want to have children and settle down.Kai on the other hand, felt that he had a stable life and that he was ready to take the next step.He had proposed to Suzie and she had even accepted.They were starting to plan a future together.Kai had seen a house, not far from Sebastian's, that he liked and bought, but then, the day before the move, Kai walked in on Suzie and another man.She had laughed at him and told him that she had not been ready to commit anyway and that she would move in with the other guy.Kai never moved out of the apartment and into the new house.It was left empty.But he came over to Sebastian's a lot and he sometimes stayed the night, to not be alone.Lately, he didn't come for Sebastian anymore, he came for Agnes.Not because he wanted to seduce her, but because she was a new part of his family.Like a little sister or niece.Sebastian cursed at the realization.If he could not make it work with Jamie, his brother would lose this bond he shared with Agnes too.Sebastian walked away, careful to not make a sound.As he climbed the stairs, he was already picking his choice of music.Too many thoughts were crowding his mind and he needed to stop thinking.He closed the door, put his water bottle on the windowsill and shed his shirt.His fingers traced the back of the large stack of records, being placed next to the record player.He decided on Max Richter and let the first notes of 'On the Nature of Daylight' wash over him and guide his steps.His knee still hurt, but he decided to ignore the pain and dance it away.Damn doctors and people in general.They had no idea what he needed to be a happy person.He needed to dance.That was a very easy thing for him, it came naturally, but he also needed Jamie.The fear of losing him before having him made it harder to breathe and even though the music didn't require it, Sebastian danced furiously.Forget.Forget the anxiety.Forget the pain.Forget.But he couldn't forget.Jamie was in him, distracting him, enticing him.“Aww fuck” Sebastian yelled frustrated as he fell down and a sharp pain paralyzed his entire right leg.Tears of pain clouded his vision and he gave in.He didn't try to get up, he simply lay on the floor, cursing and crying.He cried because of the pain in his leg and he knew that he had torn something in it again.Something that would throw him back in his whole rehabilitation.He cried because he felt alone and he didn't want to be.He cried because he wanted a chance with Jamie, but he didn't see it.A few kisses and glances, even touching at times, was not a relationship and the way Jamie had rejected him earlier had made him feel like a failure.Sebastian thought about his ex-husband, about Rudy and for the first time ever, he asked himself if he had been too pushy, too demanding to make it work between them.His thoughts didn't linger with Rudy though, almost right away, they were back with Jamie and how he had said that he liked him and that he felt the same connection, the same rightness between them.Frustrated with himself, he punched the floor, just the same way he had punched the mattress of his bed earlier.A knock on the door made him brush away his tears.“Sebastian? Can I come in?” it was Jamie who asked to open the door.“No.Stay away.I need Kai.” Sebastian told the closed door.The pain in his leg became worse and he felt the throbbing in his knee.It was swollen and he couldn't bend it.He would not be able to get up, even if he wanted to.“Please let me in.” Jamie pleaded, but Sebastian stayed headstrong.“I said, if you want to do something for me, go get my brother.That is not really a hard thing to do, now is it?” Sebastian snapped and tried to sit up [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]