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.I felt awkward for a moment as I assumed that they’d automatically want me to be one of the models but Lucy hadn’t mentioned it.My disappointment must have shown on my face as Izzie picked up on it immediately.‘Oh!’ she said.‘Nesta.Did you want to model?’‘Not necessarily but – hey, yeah.Why not? I mean, I’m not being big-headed or anything but you know, people are always saying I could have been one and I did blag my way into Olympia pretending that I was one and no one asked any questions and.’ I felt myself trailing off because it felt weird explaining myself to my best friends.I’d have thought that they would have taken it as read.‘It’s not that,’ said Izzie.‘Of course you’d be a fantastic model.And so would Lucy and TJ.But there’s so much other stuff to do and we thought that – well, you’ve done so much.Organised so much.We didn’t think you’d want to model as well.’But that will be the best bit, I thought.I’d had visions of myself looking fab and coming down the catwalk with Star and everyone would be saying, Hey, that’s Nesta Williams.She’s the one behind all this you know and some of it might get back to William and when he heard how hard I’d worked, he wouldn’t hate me as much as I was sure he did.But then.if I wasn’t wanted.‘I have a list of about thirty people who want to model,’ said Lucy.‘I thought it would be great to get as many as possible up there.’‘And we thought, let’s not go for the obvious models,’ said Izzie.‘Let’s let everyone have a go.Short, plump, whatever.Show that you don’t have to be tall and skinny to look good.With the right hair, make-up and clothes everyone can look great.And real girls are more “in” this year anyway, aren’t they?’‘Yeah,’ said Lucy.‘It would be a good message to have girls who looked like girls and not beanpoles who starve themselves.’I’d been voted out and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it.It was to have been my moment of glory and I already had an outfit that Lucy made for me last year picked out.I decided not to let on that I was peeved about it and then see if later, I could talk them into letting me do it.‘OK.Cool.Funds?’ I asked trying to act as if I wasn’t bothered at all.‘Check,’ said TJ.‘We’re doing well.We’ve sold five hundred tickets.At eight pounds each, that’s four thousand and with other bits that will come in on the night, it will be closer to five thousand.’‘Is that all?’ I groaned.‘After all my effort, we’re still nowhere near the goal.’Izzie looked surprised.‘Your effort?’‘Er.our effort,’ corrected Lucy.‘Yeah.Course, I mean.our effort,’ I stuttered.‘That’s what I meant.You know it was.’ And then I thought I’d gone out of my way to thank everyone for their efforts but no one had acknowledged my contribution at all.‘Although it was my idea to get Star.’‘Yeah, but it was a joint effort in the end,’ said Izzie.‘Yeah, but it was my mum who sent the camera crew,’ I said.‘So what? Lucy’s been up late every night this week sewing,’ said Izzie.‘And TJ’s been holding quiz nights and all sorts of sports activities to raise money.And half the school have been involved in one way or other.It doesn’t all revolve around you.’‘I know that and I said I thought you’d all been totally brill but.’‘Hold on a mo,’ said TJ.‘Look, it doesn’t matter who did what.Come on, you guys, let’s not fall out.It’s not about us or anyone else taking the glory.’We all agreed.I decided that we must be tired with the late nights but I could see Lucy and Izzie giving me strange looks and the atmosphere had soured.It wasn’t fair.I wasn’t trying to take all the credit, not exactly.I just didn’t think that anyone had appreciated how hard I’d worked too.When the others got up to go, I hung back.‘Are you coming?’ asked Izzie.‘Nah.Got a few more notes to make,’ I said.‘Last minute things, you know.’‘Suit yourself,’ said Lucy and left with Izzie and TJ.They hate me.I could tell.They were going to go out to the bus stop and talk about me and how I wanted to take all the credit and how I was self-obsessed.But I wasn’t.Well, only a bit.I felt peeved.It had all been my idea and if it hadn’t been for me, maybe there would still only have been ten tickets sold for the stupid dance.It wouldn’t hurt anyone to acknowledge that an incy wincy bit.As I sat there feeling sorry for myself, I saw TJ come back in.‘You all right, Nesta?’ she asked, as she took a seat opposite.‘Yeah.’‘Mind if I stay for a while too,’ she said as she pulled out a note pad.‘I got a few things to go over.’‘Whatever.’‘You’re mad with us,’ she said.‘I can tell.Why?’‘No, I’m not.I’m fine.’‘Liar.You’ve gone all serious and intense.Come on.Spill.You know the saying, friends listen to what you say but best friends listen to what you don’t say.Well.I’m one of your best friends and there’s something that you’re not saying.’‘Nah, nothing.Just feel a bit weird.It’s probably something hormonal.’‘Is your period due?‘No, but you know me, if I’ve not got PMT, I’ve got actual period pain or post-period pain or mid-period pain or pre-PMT or pre-pre-PMT.’TJ smiled and began to sing, ‘Sometime’s it’s hard to be a woman.’‘Tell me about it,’ I said.‘Nah.Just a bit tired, I guess.’‘And that’s all?’ asked TJ.‘Nothing else bothering you?’‘No.Yeah.Just.well.I’m not trying to take the credit or anything but sometimes I think that you guys misunderstand me.You don’t get me.I’m only trying to do my best and it’s not good enough.’TJ listened patiently as I rambled on and on and finally admitted that I’d like to model in the show.‘Then you should have said, you eejit,’ said TJ.‘We’re not mind-readers.We thought you might enjoy the evening off to watch the show without having to worry about anything.We do appreciate what you’ve done and thought a night off would be what you wanted.’‘Oh.’ That hadn’t occurred to me.I’d thought they were keeping me out because they thought I was getting too big for my boots.‘And what about William Lewis?’ she asked.‘Sure he’s not bothering you? Is he coming to the dance?’I’d kept to my vow and hadn’t told the girls that I’d totally blown it with William.I still felt such a fool about blabbing Eleanor’s secret request to him and didn’t want to share it with anyone.‘Probably not,’ I said.‘I think he’ll be with his sister.’‘So what’s happening?’ asked TJ.‘Why haven’t you met up?’I shrugged.‘Um.his sister is his priority at the moment.I think that they’re very close.Before he went to Spain, he told me that she often wants him with her when she’s low because he doesn’t get all emotional.He said that his parents, his mum in particular, finds it hard not to show her feelings when Eleanor is bad and seeing her mum upset freaks Eleanor out.I guess he manages to act more normal which is why Eleanor always asks him to be with her.He can go and stay over at the hospice so that at least she has company.’‘Yeah,’ said TJ.‘A familiar face.I can understand that.Meeting them has made me really understand what the hospice is about.I mean, it must be scary going through what she’s going through on her own.There must be times when she thinks, why me? And it must be very lonely as no one can have your treatment for you but at least, if people can stay over, there’s someone there.’‘Yeah.’‘Like if one of us was ill,’ said TJ.‘Or one of our family, I’d so want to have a friendly face in there with me and in most hospitals, it’s an hour at visiting time and then you’re on your own.’I nodded [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]