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.He stayed in that tiny kitchenette with the ugly curtains, watching Jaye think about God knew what.It was mind-boggling to think Jaye had committed murder, had done the things he’d done.It was worse to think about the other side of it, and what had been done to him, and why.It was quiet for too long.The silence had made the air too thick to breathe.Like a swimmer kicking as frantically as he could to surface and inhale, Dixon blurted, “What happened to you makes me want to scream.I can’t.I can’t even.”The confession was as thick as the air, heavy with sorrow and sympathetic pain, as well as fury.Jaye turned his way.Dixon bowed his head to hide his face as his expression contorted, trying to hold back the emotion.“Hey,” Jaye said sharply.“Hey.Me too.”For a second Dixon was unsure what was meant by that.Then Jaye stepped up close, looked into his eyes.It was all right there, laid out.Good god, Jaye was so angry.Dixon felt gutted with raw helplessness and here was pretty little J-bird with murder in his lovely green eyes.It didn’t register right away that he was angry for Dixon, not himself.“Guess we were both stuck in a bad place, huh?”“Yeah,” Dixon muttered, the words harder to speak when Jaye drew Dixon’s arms down out of their defensive, folded position and caressed over his chest, up his neck to the side of his jaw.“Guess so.”They made some pasta, just noodles and tomato sauce.The bowls were brought back to the bed and Dixon resolved to pick up more food the next day, some meat and vegetables.The nagging feeling that he should go was there, but he couldn’t.Something held him to the bed, his legs immobile.They sat there, cross-legged, picking at the noodles with forks.The fire popped and crackled in the fireplace, like nature’s oldest music.Wind whistled eerily around the cabin’s exterior.“What was it like?” Dixon asked, curiosity triumphing at last.“You tell me, I’ll tell you,” Jaye countered.“Fair enough.You go first.”“That’s not how it works.”“What is this, more negotiations? You should have been a lawyer.”“Yeah, missed my calling by a mile,” he chuckled.His gaze flicked upward.Dixon resisted with effort the urge to brush his fingers through those shortened curls, knowing how soft they were.“I don’t know, um,” Jaye chewed a mouthful of food, swallowed and thought it over.“Cash was in charge.He had a bunch of guys that took his orders, carried ’em out.My part was pretty simple.He called me Johnny, so soon everyone else did, too.When he wanted me, some of the guys would stand guard, blocking people’s view of the action.You know.They’d have their backs to us and I’d just get in position, show my ass, whatever.Then I’d just wait for it to be over, try to enjoy myself if I could.”“Oh come on, it couldn’t have been that easy,” Dixon pressed.“No, you’re right.It wasn’t always like that.Sometimes it was a lot more public.” Jaye paused, rolling his lower lip through his teeth, gnawing at the memories, his eyes unfocused.“That wasn’t pleasant.” He shrugged, drew into himself, hunching over on the bed around his food.Dixon waited.“There was this one time, in the yard.It was months ago.I was stabbed.Same side, same exact spot, so they knew what they were doing.Happened so fast, man, you wouldn’t believe it.It was weeks before I was back on my feet.Once I was, though, Cash gave me the option.They knew who’d done it.It was a message, a warning.Cash’s guys, they got the dude alone in the kitchens, back in storage.Some of them worked there.They held him down for me.”When he didn’t continue, Dixon’s imagination filled in the blanks.What’d you do to him, J-bird? What do you do to a guy who’s stabbed you, when you want to send a message and scare others away from trying the same?“I don’t want to know, do I?”“No, you don’t.But don’t worry, he lived.After that, they gave me the spiderweb.It was my formal initiation, I guess.I already had my tear.That one’s for the fuck burning in hell.”Shaking his head slightly, Dixon tried and failed to wrap his head around it all.“I don’t know what to say.”Jaye glanced over at him, measuring him.“Don’t kid yourself, Dix.I’ve done some bad shit.Can’t take it back.It is what it is.But it’s the bad-boy thing that gets you hard, right? So we’re all good.Your turn.”“Fuck, man.I don’t wanna get into that shit.I don’t,” Dixon said adamantly.Setting the bowl down on the bed, he folded his hands, torn between the desire to get out in order to avoid questioning, and the need to stay.“Tell you what? You tell me something real, no fucking around, and I’ll make it worth it for you.” He set his bowl aside too, climbed onto Dixon’s lap.Pressing him back down to the bed, Jaye stayed planted there, a comfortable weight on Dixon’s crotch.His hands began to massage Dixon’s neck, his shoulders.It felt wonderful.The muscles relaxed a little.Dixon’s hands slid up Jaye’s bare arms, over ropes of muscle, down his sides to his hips, then around to palm his ass through the thin boxers.“Something real, huh? Okay.Let’s see.Marcus’s cock is amazing.He’s really talented in bed.Knows how to use it.Yadda yadda.You get the idea.But he was impatient as fuckall.He liked to get me right as I was coming home from a shift.I’d still be in uniform sometimes.“One particular time, I was in uniform.As soon as I was through the door, he, like, pounced.Slipped a rope around my neck, used my handcuffs to lock my wrists behind my back, knocked me to the ground right in the entryway of the house after kicking the door shut.He took my pants off and fucked me right there, yanking on the rope [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]